In case anyone doesn’t know I am Catholic. I had gotten married civilly in 2005 and got divorced in 2008. I had a Catholic wedding in 2006. Today I went to the church to go through the process of annulment of my catholic marriage. I have no other reason to want this, except that I want freedom. Most individuals will seek an annulment because they want to get married in the Catholic church.
I guess my reasons are different. I’m doing it because I want to free myself of all of my guilt that I’ve had in all of my past relationships. I have suffered so much and yet I never truly saw the value of my contribution to a relationship. So here I am sitting in the church office waiting for the lady from the tribunal to ask me 90 in depth questions about my marriage.
Can I just say three kids later . . . it still hurts. That’s what needs closure and forgiveness is all of that past pain. To all my relationships since then, I apologize for not bringing my better self to the table. I brought all my past pain and regrets and for that I’m truly sorry.
So many of the questions centered around the top topic above which is red flags? Did you have reservations, concerns, were there any red flags? In my former marriage yes there were plenty. Financial was probably the biggest. He said he was a financial advisor but I found out that was a scam. He said he owned and lived in a house, but that house was owned by his dad and was foreclosed on. All of these things and yet I was so scared to admit I made a mistake I went on through with the marriage. That was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. So not surprisingly the other big factor was we are of two different religions and culture. Some individuals can make it work but they are the exceptions and not the rule. I have learned in life to always accept the rule and be cautious with the exception. He grew up Muslim, then became Atheist. Yet he lived in Muslim ways. This was a tough lesson for me, but it was never going to work. I’ll admit I’m not the strongest Catholic but I do my best and I have a resolve for the basics.
So what did I learn from this experience?
The red flags are real and yet we are so color blind that we don’t see them. We want to believe in the love that we have. People are Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and they can change once you get married or they can stay the same. I’m at a resolve to continue on this path of singledom because it’s a lesson that I need to learn. It’s one of redemption, growth and rebirth. It’s me as I should be. I will trust in the kindness and the actions of my partner. His willingness to do what’s right and be honest and forthcoming. Whoever you are and where ever you are, I already love you! God willing, the light of love attracts all wonderful parties. Next time I decide to get married I will take a look at the same 90 questions, and review the checklist of what I want in someone but by then I guess if you know, then you know.