While it shouldn’t be this way, it often feels like being a mom and being a woman are mutually exclusive. These worlds can seem even further apart when you are a single mother. It is almost like wearing two different suits – before putting one on, you have to shed the other. Of course, you may find yourself wearing the ‘Mom’ suit longer than any other one.
This is not altogether too surprising. According to a study conducted by scientists, your brain actually changes during and after pregnancy. In a way, it is actually evolving in order for you to be a better mother. When you consider it from that perspective, it is no wonder that you are having a difficult time reconciling the woman that you once were. Now, this is not a bad thing at all. As you can attest to, being a mother, especially a single one, is the highlight of your life. This does not mean that you have to give up that other part of yourself, however. This leads us to the ultimate question, how do you balance the two?
First, Let Go of the Guilt
Why is it so easy for single moms to feel guilty all the time? Spending just a little bit of time on themselves can have most mothers feeling as though they are neglecting their children! You need to let go of this constant self-reproach. This can be easier said than done so start small. Give yourself just twenty minutes a day. What you want to do during this time is up to you – the only rule is that it has to be all about you. Read a chapter, shave your legs, or flip through a gossip magazine. This is going to teach you something very important and that is that your children will not feel neglected! Find a way to keep them entertained and they won’t even notice your me-time ritual!
Take the Time to Primp
Look good and you will start to feel good as well. Most moms are absolute wizards at the five-minute makeup application process. Every now and then, however, it’s important to do a little bit more. Try shopping for some nice lingerie or buy an outfit that makes you feel vibrant and sexy. If you are feeling down and out about your post-baby appearance, why not make some permanent changes? Theis becoming incredibly popular these days. This procedure targets all those areas that are typically affected by pregnancy, labor, and motherhood. By getting rid of all of the things that make you self-conscious, you are allowing yourself to feel beautiful again.
So, once you have been tended to by thewhat do you do then? Well, it’s time to take your newly made self out into the world. Organize a girl’s night out for yourself and let loose. While you are at it, enjoy those admiring glances that you are getting, too.
Give Yourself Permission to Date Properly
So, you might have tried your hand at dating after your divorce. However, you need to ask yourself if you are doing it properly. For most single moms, dating itself can be a juggling act, making it exhausting for them. There are a couple of things that you need to be doing to help yourself. First, own your single mom status. Whether you are using online dating apps or meeting people in the real world, always mention that you have children in that first conversation. Yes, it might scare some men off but it is important for them to know where your priorities are. Second, when you are on a date, you need to be mentally present – you shouldn’t be wondering about how your child is managing with the babysitter. Last but not least, have fun! Yes, dating can be fun and it’s time that you remembered that. Stop thinking about how the odds are stacked against you or that you need to find The One. Just enjoy the company and attention of another adult for a while.
It’s going to take some time but you will get there. You will be able to be a mother and a woman and hopefully one day it won’t be a balancing act any longer.
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