Of course they can! I’ve been reading a lot about hot summer romances and tips on how to have one, but I wonder to myself if that is the best use of my or your time. As I’ve said in previous posts, I have been single a lot longer than I have been married and have had the pleasure of a memorable romance or two throughout that time period. It comes with a lot of fantastic memories and a lot of drama. Maybe it’s just Texas, but something about the heat that brings about a lot of emotions.
I can’t in good conscious prescribe a set of “How To’s” and tell you how to have an incredible romantic adventure without it seeming too “mechanical.” Romance is not just seasonal and whether you are playing by the pool in the summer or cuddling by the fire in the winter, romance is a year round affair.
What’s a girl to do if you are just sitting around watching re-runs? For the single mom who has sent her kids off to dad’s house, Grandma’s house or summer camp you need to learn to ignite your inner fire. The Texas heat is nothing compared to the hot, sexy and confident vixen that is waiting to get out and experience what life has to offer. Enjoy a hot summer romance with yourself and the rest will fall into place. That is the best advice I have for single moms and single women alike waiting to have a hot summer romance. I’d like to share my experiences as well as some advice for “enjoying the moment” because that is really what a hot spring/summer/fall/winter romance should be about.
Taking your romance on the road
There’s nothing like getting away on a mini-vacation and experiencing a destination romance. My current romantic interest travels a lot and so I don’t get to see him often when I’m at home. I also travel a lot and I think we’ve seen each other more on the road than we do at home (my home – Dallas-Fort Worth). His home is in San Antonio. We criss cross around the highways of Texas for our own conferences and meetings and it makes for an exciting romantic adventure for both of us. We’ll meet in Houston, San Antonio, San Marcos, Austin, Lake Travis and where ever I35, I45 and the 130 toll road takes us.
The excitement of being on the road coupled with a little cat and mouse game we play on the highway is playful and romantic. The game we play is that he will ask me what exit number I’m at and then wait for me somewhere, watching the road with his binoculars to see if I drive by. He’s a lot more of a speed demon than I am. It’s his way of having some fun and company when he’s out and about.
Playing tourist together
We also get to experience new things together as tourists. We love little romantic places like Gruene, TX and try out restaurants, nightlife and whatever touristy thing here is to do at each location. On a most recent trip that I took to a resort on Lake Travis, we spent one of the most romantic times I’ve ever had in my life. It was much more romantic than my Disneyworld honeymoon I had with my ex husband. I think for me it was the spontaneous nature of it, the laid back atmosphere, and the fact that there was less planning required on what we were going to do or not do. Less planning means less stress. We had responsibilities to attend to, but once that was done it was all about having fun and exploring more about each other. I love my children, but not having to worry about bags, toys, etc felt good. At the same time we also did our own thing. He got to watch his basketball game, we tried out new restaurants and we got to hang out by the pool. Without going into details, the view from our room was beautiful and of course the nights were wonderful as well. There is nothing more romantic than cuddling and being close with someone. Especially when the conversations are good and well received. He did such a good job taking care of me those few days that eventually . . . I started to get antsy.
Call it what you will, but I get emotionally unavailable
As we spent more time together (remember, we typically only spend a day or two together a month) I started to get very insecure. Very fearful of what would come next and whether he would be a willing participant. Many of these emotions are normal, but that’s why they are called “summer romances” and “summer flings.” They are not meant to last for a long time, unless you can truly find a way to commit and make it work. I think I was worried about losing my freedom and I found myself in direct conflict with him over absolutely NOTHING! That’s when I reined myself in and reminded myself that my time with him is precious. There was no need to jockey for position or control and that we were both there because we wanted to be so just enjoy each other. So how do you prevent summer romance burnout?
1) Don’t over-plan, overindulge and overspend
Keep things in perspective and don’t overdo anything. Don’t get too analytical on the details and try to be perfect (I’m guilty of this) and just go with the flow. Moderation is key. Remember you are there to spend time with your significant other and so remain in that moment.
Communicate with each other and respect the other person’s point of view. There is no need to give the silent treatment or to have a shouting match. Keep it simple and keep things in perspective. This also means you should be a good listener but not necessarily a mind reader. Learn to take compliments and be generous and genuine in giving them. Also remember that your smile does a lot of talking on its own. Handle your frustration with maturity. If you need time to cool off then take a few minutes to get your thoughts together.
3) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want – – – in bed
Do you ladies even know what you want in bed? Do you think you deserve it or are you so worried about what he wants that you totally ignore what you want? Ladies – just ask. The excitement I get from my current guy is just so overwhelming and powerful that I really can’t get enough of him. There is so much adrenaline and excitement right before I know he’s coming into town and it’s a feeling that I don’t get anywhere else or with anyone else. It’s that kind of feeling that has me going crazy on all the little details to make sure he’s comfortable and relaxed. It’s also why communication is so key. He is so in tune with what I want and there is no fear in communicating what I want with him. You must be confident in asking for and getting what you want and your body needs to show that. In this case, action speaks louder than words.
4) If you don’t have a summer romance or summer fling – get out and meet people
You could try online dating if that works for you. I have done it and gone out on a few dates. As I said, it’s ok to casually date. If you are single you need to be approachable. Just smile and be ready to have something to say to just about anyone. I like to strike up a conversation with anyone. That’s how I meet people – whether it’s a romantic connection or not. One on event, I met a Jamaican restaurant manager at a chance encounter. We had a lot in common being islanders but eventually it fizzled out. Or like the time I met someone at a friend’s BBQ. Learn about a lot of things and then you will have a lot to talk about. Go out, take classes, try a new sport or a hobby. You can also volunteer this summer and you will meet a lot of people that way. Don’t stay inside or just online. Find a balance in your life and you will meet someone great.
You can have an adventure in romance, the key ingredient is you.