There is one playing field that pretty much levels us all. … media to proclaim that she can be both a hard-working entertainer and a great single mother.
There are five of us. My sister, my brother, me, my mom and my stepdad Don. My step dad is both older and white, while as you may have guessed, the rest of us are black. As of this year, my parents have been married 10 beautiful years, so it’s only natural that I have heard it all when it comes to people who are taken aback or ignorant about interracial dating. As a millennial, I was lucky to be born in an era with a heightened sense of political correctness and diversity so interracial couples and families shouldn’t be a head turner. In a perfect world theory of course. I am a generally easy going person, and I actually like to talk to other people about my life and theirs. Nevertheless you never get used to the teachers who rush over to make sure your stepdad isn’t a kidnapper, or even sickos who take him as your sugar daddy while at lunch.
Who is that white man?
“No, he’s my stepdad but were close…ya know like my dad.”
“Oh. I didn’t know your mom liked white guys…”
This is the one I got the most of the time from my peers and usually verbatim. Not to say people shouldn’t have been curious about the pasty older gentleman who would speed up on his yellow Honda GoldWing still blasting Dwight Yoakam (seriously though, who invented radios for motorcycles) while on his daily kid pick up duty. I did an invisible face palm every time I had to squeeze that spare helmet over my head and climb onto the back of that motorcycle in front of kids who were staring both out of confusion and amusement.
Are y’all together?
Again, you can’t blame people for asking, but geez-o-peets did this get old. In any checkout line, queue at the bank or school function, adults all over town would give a confused look when I put my items on the same conveyer belt as his. “Are y’all together” they would always ask, and of course my stepdad would assure them we were in fact together. Suddenly the confused look would turn into that “Ahh, I see” look you become accustomed to. Sometimes though for fun, Don would say “No! I have no idea who she is” but only so we could later laugh about watching the cashier squirm at the idea of having to deal with this awkward situation.
Wouldn’t you like it better if your mom dated a black guy?
No!, and why does it matter anyway? Is the response I wish I would have given back in the day. Of course when you are 12 you just sheepishly ignore the question and thank god you can’t visibly turn red. Although I’m sure it was always asked out of the ignorance of childhood, it still always made you feel awkward about something that wasn’t awkward at all. It did teach me however that people perceived my mom differently after finding out she was married to a white man.
Maegan Skinner is a college student, freelance writer and barista who is passionate about education, writing and cooking. A lifelong Dallasite, Maegan’s writing focuses on food, health, education, local nightlife, and entrepreneurship for millennials. Her blog can be found at https://blogmaeganskinner.wordpress.com or catch up with her on twitter @itmemaeski
Soap operas, Novelas, Dramas – call them what you want they strike a chord. I don’t watch them very often but when I do it’s because the story is so compelling I can’t put it down. One thing you may not realize about me is that I am a big sucker for South Korean dramas. Not to lump a whole race into some kind of stereotype but for some reason they know how to weave a story. I cry all the time when I’m watching a Korean drama. This particular one is an oldie. Translated into English it’s called Single Dad in Love. I wish I could get these subtitled in digital or video format. The Synopsis of the story is:
The love story of a single dad, Kang Poong Ho, who raises his 7 year old son alone after being abandoned by his first love, Yoon So Yi. By day he works as a pest exterminator and by night he is a martial artist. Jeon Ha Ri, is a medical student from a wealthy family who falls for Poong Ho. She secretly teaches Poong Ho’s son, San, how to play the piano. Poong Ho’s first love is also his son’s mother who is a cold and proud woman who left her family to study abroad as a pianist. She was sponsored by Jeon Ki Suk who happens to be her fiancée and Ha Ri’s father.
By Day, a pest exterminator, by Night, a Mixed Martial Artist. – That part makes me laugh because us women should be ashamed of ourselves that we are so easily swayed by some sweaty ripped muscles. Anyway I digress.
I’m currently enamored by a single dad who works with his hands by day and washes loads of his kid’s laundry by night. I can’t imagine Kang Poong Ho in the above drama having time for laundry with all that martial arts training he’s doing at night. The single dad I’m dating I call Ironman. He has primary custody of his children between the ages of 2 and 15. Whenever somebod asks what I like about him, the first thing on the list of things I say is that “from what I’ve seen, he is a very good dad.”
The Symbol of the Single Dad
Dating a single dad that has primary custody of his children is a unique experience and provides a rare glimpse for single mothers to observe what it must be like for anyone to date a single mom today. Single dads with primary custody used to be rare but nowadays it’s becoming more and more acceptable and more prevalent. I think it’s unfortunate that we stereotype single dads as either deadbeat dads or barely involved parents. From my own dating experiences I have had the opportunity to meet many single dads who have 50/50 custody or who have primary custody of their children. On the many nights that Ironman and I are on the phone together, there isn’t a shortage of “demands” from the kids and constant reminders to go to bed. It’s the same at my house. It almost feels like there is a real sense of empathy for my life in dating Ironman since we tend to have experienced the same things as parents and divorcees. It helps that we are flexible when it comes to dating in Dallas.
Benefits to dating a single dad with primary custody
They are busy – They live their own lives and they have to manage a household, kids, chores and themselves. They don’t constantly need your attention and have a great understanding of why your time is limited. This also means that if they can carve out time for you, that means you are pretty special to them.
Their visitation schedule is similar to most single moms – If they have a visitation schedule, it’s pretty much in line with yours as a single mom if you have primary custody. In Texas, standard visitation is that the non-custodial parent has the 1st/3rd and 5th weekend and 30 – 42 days in the summer. So on dates that you are available, they are also available. Single moms may take summer vacations while the kids are away as well as single dads.
They are actively involved in their kid’s lives – I’m not saying that non-custodial parents aren’t involved but as the custodial dad they are naturally more involved. This is a no brainer since they are taking care of the school activities, the doctor appointments and the extracurricular activities so they are more involved and knowledgeable about what’s going on in their kid’s lives. They have things to talk about with you related to the kids and it’s easy to relate on that level along with balancing careers and hobbies. Another thing I admire is that he actively encourages the kids spend time with their mom and even try to do things together such as have birthday parties together or attend school events together. This reminds me of an article put out by a firm in Florida that talked about a topic called parental alienation. Directly from the article they warn parents,
“While you may not like what we’re about to suggest, it helps to consider it. You cannot keep your child completely away from your spouse; you must respect his/her right to be a parent. Your spouse may have been a terrible marital partner, but may have it in him or her to be a loving father/mother. By discounting this possibility, you deprive your child of love, care and guidance.”
You can read the rest of their article about child custody law for more information.
Their struggle is similar – They can empathize with you as a single mom or parent struggling to either make ends meet or have some resemblance of a life.
There are also some things to consider when dating a single dad that has primary custody because it can be challenging. Time is a precious commodity in their lives and being able to set healthy boundaries and communicate well are going to be key in making this kind of dating relationship work. For single dads that are custodial parents, their time is limited along with their money and resources. Flexibility is important. Here are some things to consider:
They are not casual daters – Many of these kinds of single dads are not “casual daters.” They’ve gotten wiser, have been through marriage or a long term relationship and with kids just have too much at stake. Their bachelor pads are more like fun houses than a sex den. These single dads are typically not playing passive-aggressive games, they are not just in it for sex and they are looking for qualities that have long term potential. They have kids and so the possibility of crazy showing up on their doorstep or blowing up their phone typically means there is a chance kids might ask questions.
Brutal Honesty – When I first dated Ironman he advised me that it would be Dutch Treat. Basically I’d pay for myself. Knowing that he was a single dad with primary custody and may have limited funds I understood this reality right off the bat and had no problem with this kind of arrangement. Even now, I sometimes pay for things because it’s a good tradeoff and balance realizing his time is precious as well as mine. They also don’t like to waste anyone’s time. If the chemistry is not there they will let you know.
Careful thought and consideration – this is not a dating relationship that does anything fast. Nothing is rushed. Sex, commitment, meeting kids or even deciding on how to go to a party together requires both parties to have synchronization, communication, and patience. Ironman and I have not had intimate relations yet because we are determining things such as checking for STD’s, our feelings on pregnancy (between us we have 6 kids – I don’t want anymore) and birth control, monogamy and even feelings. I have not brought up about exclusive dating but the more I think about it, the more likely I will ask for that before we decide to have intimate relations with each other. That is new battleground for me. Yes, we are talking about feelings. If you can’t get to a point to talk about emotions and you are jumping right into it the intricacies and the little details of what you like and don’t like may not become apparent to either of you and then you are just staying with a person that is not the right fit for you.
They’ve been burned – they are carrying around baggage from the ghosts of relationships past. Their kids are daily reminders of that. I’ve been burned as well so I carry around my own baggage and build mini forts and landmines with my baggage sometimes. Also sometimes you will hear “ex” horror stories. The other day he had the kid’s laundry after they spent a weekend at their mom’s house. The dirty laundry came back with a pair of her bra and panties in it. I was made aware of this by Ironman as we had this 15 minute conversation about her underwear. Did I get jealous? No because whether it was intentionally put there or not, it was nothing to devote time to. The proverbial “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for Dat!” So put up with what you want to put up with and be angry at legit things to be angry about.
My personal challenges in dating a single dad with primary custody
For me personally I have adjusted to this dating relationship well. We have gotten to a point where we’ve been honest about our sordid pasts that we can begin to not hold each other to them. That was a big deal and very difficult for me. I enjoy overhearing the background noise of the kids while he attempts to talk to me on the phone. We have spoken every day for the last month and we have seen each other at least once a week and have plans to spend more time together as summer visits start. We made our intentions clear that after 6 months we would revisit where we are and take a closer look. While that is not a hard and fast guideline it is an establishment of structure. It gives me something to look forward to. We are definitely not at a point where we are going to introduce children. That is the one topic that we hold the highest degree of importance as it should be. This is a lot of progress for me individually. Many times I have not gotten past date 1. The typical guy I have dated usually has older kids or kids arelady out of the house so Ironman doesn’t fit the profile of who I usually date. However I have found his personal experience with kids close to my own kid’s age to be one of his most attractive features and the thing that connects us.
What have you encountered when dating a single dad with primary custody? Are you a single dad with primary custody? How do you manage a personal life with full time dad responsibilities?
No doubt if you are divorced or in the middle of divorcing you have just managed a holiday with something called split visitation. As I ventured through Dallas-Love Field airport I could see all the “Unaccompanied Minors” making their way to the other parent’s house for the holiday. I was also on this venture with my son and while it is a stressful time it is court ordered and part of the “new normal” for some of today’s modern families.
Being able to adjust will help you get through some of these stressful situations and try to create a sense of normalcy during the holidays. Here are a few things to consider as you begin the new year as a newly divorced or veteran divorced parent. Even if you were never married, navigating the visitation schedule and co-parenting with a difficult ex can be made easier once you begin to focus on what you can control. What you can control is your attitude, your emotions, your reaction, and the things that come out of your mouth.
Here are few things to remember as you navigate the rest of the year:
- The custody agreement is set in stone by the LAW and is an unemotional document and a minimum standard. The point of it is to set the foundation or routine but it is the responsibility of the parents involved to learn how to compromise. It doesn’t legislate feelings and emotions and it is not a perfect document.
- If you don’t like the custody agreement then first ask for permission from your ex to follow another arrangement, get that agreement in writing and if changes in your life necessitate a change in the agreement then go to court and change it,
- Don’t pretend to be a lawyer and try to interpret the custody agreement for your ex you will only frustrate yourself. My ex has grossly misinterpreted our custody agreement as it pertains to Texas law. I made the mistake of falling down the slippery slope of arguing with him. I have since ceased doing that and basically told him if he can’t understand it, then talk to his attorney. It’s not that I don’t want to explain, I gave up out of frustration.
- Learn how to communicate before you learn how to compromise. If the other person is difficult to communicate with, learn how to accept that and move forward.
- Learn to sacrifice and adjust. You will not get to do everything you want to do and so you have to allow yourself to be ok with that. Don’t get personally attached to holidays, days or events. Those things don’t matter. The only thing that matters is the quality of time you spent with your kids. The world doesn’t need to see the proof on social media to know that it happened.
- Put things in writing. Pleading ignorance is something that many people like to do so make sure instructions are in writing. Certified mail, email is preferable over text. I have to do this with my ex’s but if you have an ex that you can actually communicate this would be overkill.
Obviously I am not a legal expert and if you need one then you should really try contact a legal professional that can help. I try to remind myself whether a decision I am making is really all about my “ego” and all about winning. We have one way of looking at our children and how they will be raised and our ex’s have their own opinions. Best thing to do is to keep an open mind and communication lines open.
Check out this handbook for coparenting and keeping track of visitation:
If you are in Texas, check out the State Attorney General’s Office has a website to help parents with visitation and access.
I must admit that I missed him. The hustle and bustle of the holidays was taking its toll and while I enjoyed the Airbnb home I was staying at, my heart still fluttered a little for this new “love” who was missing me back home. Who doesn’t enjoy being missed? As we talked on the phone and he mentioned how good it felt to miss someone I allowed myself to enjoy that feeling also. ALLOWED! Yes I allowed it. That can be difficult for a single parent or any adult who has experienced relationship difficulties to admit. It is exactly what was keeping me from enjoying my dating experiences over the last few months. I never ALLOWED myself to indulge in those romantic moments or to relax in vulnerability.
“My Girls May be with me when I pick you up, is that okay?” the text message updated on my phone.
I’m actually a pretty cautious person and secretive with my personal affairs. I also don’t like surprises at all. So while I took a few seconds to let his statement sink in that basically read “You are meeting my children” common sense prevailed that I really had nothing to worry about. See countless dating articles and advice gurus will tell you to watch out for a man that moves too slow or moves too quick. The constant pendulum swing of reading dating advice about what to do versus not what to do causes us to over-analyze mundane details about people and their actions. In reality much of the people you meet could care less about you and are only passing the time away or compensating for their “lack.” However when somebody genuinely wants you to meet what’s most important to their lives it’s something you should take seriously.
The scary part of meeting someone’s children
Meeting someone else’s children is scary and as I’ve gotten older I have been more cautious about it. Mine are young and don’t fully comprehend the concept of boyfriends, girlfriends, and dating. His children are much older and can comprehend so they are not stupid and I would insult their intelligence to pretend they are oblivious. I’m comforted by the fact that they are aware and are used to both their parents dating. I can’t just pass off as being their father’s friend because obviously I’m much more special and “NYScorpio” (his nickname on the blog) is very demonstrative in his affection. So he didn’t really leave the decision up to me, he sort of surprised me with meeting his children. One of the things that I’m careful to do is to be calm and relaxed about the situation and how it unfolds.
As I trudged up to baggage claim in the aftermath of holiday travel chaos he found me before I could find him. It was a sense of relief for me and it felt like that moment when you are plopping down in a comfortable recliner. I was nervous but as the adult in the situation I knew we could make meeting in such a crowded and chaotic atmosphere almost seamless. Besides the distraction of tasks at hand such as getting the bags, getting the car and delegating tasks it helps to take off the sting associated with the awkwardness of meeting someone else’s family. Not really the ideal situation for me but nevertheless done and complete.
So here are just a few things I learned from this initial experience:
- Don’t Take Things Personal – Actually this is one of the The Four Agreements from Toltec author Don Miguel Ruiz Sr. Most people identify with this feeling when it comes to harmful words or awful situations but even in good situations – don’t take it personally. If the person you are dating introduces you to his children or his family don’t allow your imagination to go wild with thoughts of what it means. Enjoy the moment, educate yourself and engage in learning about the people you just met. Allow things to take their course instead of trying to control situations.
- Be open and non-judgmental of who you meet – By audience I mean the people you are meeting. I knew right away that I was meeting preteen girls. I know nothing about preteen or teenage girls. I only know what their father tells me. As the adult I take the initiative on starting conversations based upon what their father has told me and not on what I assume. This goes back to not taking things personal and taking in the knowledge of these human beings that I’m about to meet no matter how little or tall they are.
- Don’t pretend – While you don’t have to disclose your entire life upon first meeting, don’t pretend to be larger than life or something more. As you get to know each other any lies told from the beginning will unravel later and you will have to explain them at a point when you get close to someone emotionally. You can’t betray someone whom you have no close emotional bond with.
- Have fun – Explore the things you have in common with the other person’s children. Be ok if you have nothing in common but as the adult, be open to new experiences and be ok to communicate whether you like something, have no experience with something, or don’t like (not comfortable) with something. Just as they don’t have to like what you like.
- Keep communication open – At some point if you ever decide to hit a milestone in your relationship such as being exclusive, moving in together or getting married this is where keeping communication open and honest is important. The key people you need to protect are your own children. Respect the other person’s communication about life changes with their children and families. Communicate openly with your own children instead of surprising them. Be open to the possibilities of their emotional reactions. I would highly recommend that such big life moments be discussed with both partners together and explaining to the kids but this can only be done if the pattern and routine of communication has been already established and is a comfortable mode of communication with the kids.
Something tells me that this romance will be a little bit different from the others. Based upon his actions it is clear that he is very much into me and I take that knowledge in and breathe with it for a moment. It is best to savor slowly instead of rushing ahead without full understanding of what life has yet to unfold. Love is not that hard and it comes to those that are willing to be patient. I am enjoying this romance so far and what it teaches me about myself. Of course only time will tell but in any case I have met some very wonderful people.
There are a few challenges associated with being a single parent. Not to discount the challenges that married couples face but for single parents there are many challenges and if you also have an ex-spouse you will also have to add co-parenting to that list of challenges.
One of the hardest issues to surviving as a single parent is an overwhelming feeling that you should complete the role of both mother and father. This feeling evolves and will be more intense if the other single parent is not playing an active role in your children’s life.
Trying to play the role of both parents is not a badge of honor
I personally feel that when somebody congratulates me on taking on both roles it’s not something I’m proud of. It is necessity and just a survival mode. It’s life and shouldn’t be championed because it is our reality. Completing the role of both parents is stressful and some single parents try to fight this feeling often in two ways. Either you try to compensate by being both the mom or dad or you get on one of those wild life hunting explorations to search for a partner to fill in the other role. May I give you a piece of advice? Neither one of these options will work. It is easier said than done. One of the ways you can try to overcome this feeling or need to either complete both mother and father is to identify what insecurities you have about parenting alone. What are you afraid of? There are more single parents by choice, more parents are same sex couples, and more parents that cohabit but are not married along with blended families. Women are having children later in life but the challenges to young single mothers that have children are real. If you have a good support network of friends, family, babysitters, coaches or other single parents then the stress of trying to play both roles will ease. It is hard to trust people and it’s something I completely understand but is necessary to ensure that you don’t get stressed out or stay with an abusive partner.
Society and lots of research tells us that having both parents in a child’s life is better for the child but the reality of having both biological parents may not be realistic if the other partner is abusive, in prison, unemployed, does drugs or if both parents just can’t get along and close to abusive of each other. As shameful as it is to admit, all the fathers of my children were unemployed and habitually unemployed. Based on how hard the experience has been to be a single mom to three children I’m thankful that I’ve kept my corporate job since 2008 which means stability and a stable paycheck so far. If your partner is abusive, habitually unemployed, does drugs or is just not a good life partner it is less likely they can be a good co-parent to your child. That is the challenge with co-parenting is that old resentments create another added stress to single parents. Don’t give into the pressure of society to create a standard for your children without addressing your life issues. The key thing to remember is that your child has another parent and if they are involved in their lives even better. If the other parent is not, it’s a situation or a reality of their life that they need to accept or cope with and that you need to teach to your children.
Single parents should never feel guilty
Single parents always bring this feeling of guilt for the reason that their children do not obtain the love and care they could be getting from another parent. So what are you supposed to do? It is a very difficult situation.
For example, you are a single father with three children. This gets even more complicated if two out of the three are girls and you will have to choose between being a mom or to hunt for the mom to be able to have a better orientation for your daughters.
You would most probably go on an exploration to fill the second. Not a year has passed and you would probably go back to being a single parent. Some research has shown it is worse for the children to see parental role models come in and out of their lives. That’s why kids should really never meet or be introduced to the person you are dating until you know for sure that you are exclusive.
You cannot replace the mom or the dad. Of course, this does not mean that it is impossible to find people who are ready to be a huge portion of both yours and your children’s life. What is really meant is that this should not be the reason of the relationship you form. Relationships are about learning about yourself and coexisting with another as they also learn about themselves. It should be about love between two people first and later on as commitment ensues should evolve into blending the families. This is not an easy task and should be taken seriously.
Resist the urge to replace your wife or your husband for your kids and focus on what you need to provide or give to them? Being a single parent is not a reason for you to feel guilty. You should rather be proud that your sons and daughters have you.
The key to your child’s happiness is you
This article is written to help you, single parents, realize that your children love you and if you are going to find another spouse or feel guilty, you are not going anywhere. Single parents do not have to have a mate to make your kids happy.
If you are a single parent, then you are probably strongly thinking that you should fill both roles. This is empowered by the feeling of guilt for finding our children in difficult positions. You are only human; you are not a super hero. You cannot do everything by yourself and you should never feel that you are second best just because of this.
Your children will sometimes not offer a helping hand and themselves should not be a replacement “spouse” or partner in the home. Children are not evil, crazy or anything of that kind, they are just being what they are, kids. It is what kids always do, and it turns out that it really works well for them. You need to adapt to working with your kids with your own provisions and not feel disenfranchised when things don’t go smooth in the household.
In total, you gain the respect of your kids if you follow what this article just said. No matter how much and how well you try, you surely cannot be both your children’s mom and dad. So take my advice and quit trying.
You do not need to be fit and lean to make your kids love and appreciate you. They love you just the way you are. You should even appreciate yourself first in order to make your children and others appreciate you.
Being a single parent can be tough but it also makes you tough and your unique experience is becoming much more common. There are more single parents like you and experiencing the same feelings. So date and find a partner that you love and that fits the reality of your life. You shouldn’t date someone to fit a mold or to raise children because after the children are grown up you will also want a life partner that means something to you.
How do you find time for yourself as a single parent?
My middle daughter does not have a father that is active in her life. His exact email/message to me was specific. He didn’t want to be involved unless he had to pay child support because he could barely afford to take care of himself.
That’s it in a nutshell. Explaining to a 4 year old in simple terms that her father doesn’t want to be her dad is difficult. I don’t believe in sugar coating the truth. I told her countless times as well as a few other times that her daddy was not capable of being a dad so chose not to be in her life. Since those are his words that’s what I use. As far as she knows, she doesn’t have a dad unlike her brother and sister who have dads. I already got a yelling from a judge that I was the dumb one to have babies with idiots so no judgment on my life is needed here. I could have chosen abstinence (which sounds like a great idea now) or had an abortion (I don’t believe in) and of course I didn’t choose any of that. So I take care of my daughter in the best way I know how without a dad.
It didn’t occur to me she needed a dad
It never really occurred to me that she even needed a dad. In our day to day lives we have our routines and our schedules. I do what I need to do in order to feed the children. If you are new to the site you will know that when I use the term feed the children I am talking about taking care of my responsibilities. The things you need to do every day to provide security and put a roof over your head and those of your loved ones. The last man I dated mentioned to me that Baby B REALLY WANTS A DADDY! I remember hearing those words and it took me a step back. I always just assumed as a single mom it would always be just her and I (along with her brother and sister of course). I thought we were both in it for the long haul. Baby B and I are the outcasts in society looking for love finding it only with each other. It wasn’t until I saw how people responded to her that I even thought about it.
She’s my mini Snow White
Animals and people are attracted to my daughter. She has this fun loving quality that draws people to her. She takes direction very well and for the most part is very well behaved. The worker at Legoland saw her enthusiasm to race Lego cars with the boys and built a car for her. My ex loved giving her piggy back rides. My daughter still prays for him before she goes to bed. My friend from Houston who is a single guy loves playing with her as well. There was only one person that she knew as my boyfriend and that was my son’s dad. Other than that I made a vow not to really introduce the kids until it was serious. I mean men would play with the kids and we’d go out together but it was never something that established this person as my romantic partner. As far as she knows, these are just “fun guys” that do fun things like buy her stuff, take us for ice cream, go to Build A Bear etc.
She doesn’t need a dad
Baby B does in fact need a dad but this person has to be in love with me, her mother first. One of the things that rubbed me the wrong way was a friend of mine who enjoys spending time with her when we are together. I don’t view him in a romantic manner but some of the things he does rubs me the wrong way. For instance he mentioned her eating habits one day. My child eats very well when I am around. But since she ate sparsely with him he began asking me about whether she takes vitamins or not. The part that rubs me the wrong way is that I don’t like being told what to do. I like to be told logically or coaxed into new thinking but don’t enjoy declarative statements. If my daughter is to be blessed with a male role model in her life I can assure you it would be someone that has my approval first. If she is going to have a dad, it will be the man that I marry. If her real dad doesn’t want to be a dad, I’m sure whoever I get involved with romantically (who I am willing to put up with) that eventually wants to settle down would be willing to first accept her and of course then adopt her. There is no grey area there. My daughter has a lot of wonderful male role models such as my friends, my family, my dad and so she is blessed to have them as examples.
I have no advice on introducing your significant other to your kids. I know what I did and I was happy with what happened even if we ended up breaking up. The key is communication that is open and friendly with your child. As far as the dad discussion, I don’t exactly date just on who would be a good dad. While that is one aspect of choosing a lifetime partner there are so many other things. Instinct and your gut play a big role in it. At this time, Baby B doesn’t need a dad, she already has one and it’s his choice not to be involved. I’m sure in the future things may look different, but I think we are doing a great job now.