“I know what you are . . . You are a sapiosexual.” when I received this text from The Leo King, I was driving the brand new 2015 Chrysler 200C into work while I was giving a reader advice about how to communicate with their coworker. The term Sapiosexual didn’t ring a bell to me. I quickly looked it up into a Google Search and it revealed that a Sapiosexual is someone who is sexually attracted to Intelligence. What a simplistic definition to say the least. Check out every girl’s Tinder profile and I’m sure that “Idiot” is not a list of desirable traits in her “What I’m looking for” bio. The Leo King finally deserves a nickname on the blog. By far he is the most interesting with this desire for travel and exploration that matches my own. I like him and he is not just very smart but also very handsome, kind and thorough. Everyone knows I have gotten off Tinder and took down my online dating profiles. Let me reiterate that it’s not because of him, it’s for practical reasons. I got a wake up call from a friend of mine who told me to stop wasting people’s time and my own. While other guys like “Mr. Big” are content to sit in their man caves and occasionally text me a few times a year with “Hey Rookie,” The Leo King likes to phone me with amazing projects and text me little innuendos that make me smile. Few and far between but I enjoy each interaction. Each moment apart makes it that much more exciting to be out and about with each other. We are both storytellers and so there will be a moment when we talk about a fictitious romp to Houston (What’s so sexy about Houston?) or a role play date as we juggle football games, work projects, babysitting and the routine of single parenthood. So what does a sapiosexual do when somebody calls her out on the number one obvious desirable on her list? She plays dumb.
“Is that a real word?” I quickly text back knowing all too well that he’s pretty smart or he has fast fingers and can search Google very well. By which he texts back, “Google It!”
When the Leo King gets into the mood he will text me some playful banter here and there. At one point while I was venting about a roadtrip to Houston he decided that I was hinting I wanted him to drive me. I was thinking, “How rude of him?” Of course that led to a conversation that ended with
“I know exactly with whom I am dealing with: TROUBLE.” he stated
Trouble? Ha! Wonder Woman always comes to the rescue when it comes to trouble. I’m taking my time with the Leo King.
Dating is like lite beer, Commitment has head
I’ve been in a long line of relationships. I haven’t given up on marriage or long term relationships. I value the union with such high standards that I take my time in the process of mate selection because it’s a very big deal. I enjoy the process and each time I meet someone and they earn a spot in the Dallas Single Mom “blog post” ranks, I realize my choices keep getting better. I’ve gotten over the NEED for sexual satisfaction at the cost of my emotional sanity and I have no desire to fulfill my ego to determine whether my sexual confidence is still intact. All those pieces are fine. I spoke to a friend of mine today and she and I share something in common – we want it all. When I got my marriage annulled, it was an arduous process. The priest that recorded my statement had me talk about my parents, my upbringing and how others viewed my marriage. Talk about a big embarrassment. To be so vulnerable to God and the priest made me feel like a real dumb-a$$ for making such a hasty decision. So it’s not that I don’t value marriage or relationships, I probably NOW value it more than most so I don’t waste anybody’s time and more importantly I don’t waste my own time. Dating is the anti-thesis to building relationships. Relationships require an even balance of sharing and allowing the other person to have freedom. Dating is all about freedom. I sometimes think that two people dating each other just get so tired of dating that they give in and pass each other a note like in middle school and then BAM – they are a couple. Dating is like lite beer, it will give you a slight buzz. You can keep going through a couple of them without getting a hangover. Drink too much though and you can get a hangover. Commitment is like a craft brew with head. I took the cop I was seeing awhile back to Meddlesome Moth. I can’t even tell you how many craft beers they got. Now this guy likes his craft beer. Out of the hundreds on the list, he was able to pick out the one he wanted. Hmmmmm, that takes commitment. He wasn’t some newbie just trying out beers like some kind of beer slut – he knew which ones he liked. However, he had no intention of trying another brew.
We are not dating, we are marinating?
The Leo King and I have a very interesting relationship. Maybe it’s a cultural difference, syntax issue or a language barrier issue, but when he has the time to express himself he does. I can appreciate that. He has told me that he really likes me and I find that comforting. As I get to know him, I can express my feelings (when I mean my feelings, it’s my observations) without worrying that he’s going to throw a fit or act immature. That’s important to me. I don’t try to assume and asking for clarification just means that we seek to understand or: I perceive, therefore I am. We can call it dating but everyone knows I hate the word dating. I prefer to call it marinating. When you are marinating you are prepping raw meat or vegetables in a special sauce to eventually cook. On a metaphorical level, we are letting things “soak in” or leave time for reflection. I don’t own him nor does he own me but it’s nice if we can get together every once in awhile. He has already told me he will be busy until mid December with kid’s activities. I’m not a stranger to that phenomenon. I am also traveling this week and have a ton of things to do for the blog and other websites in support of Black Friday and the holidays. In time the Leo King and I can evaluate and re-evaluate this marinating process.
Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry
This quote is from the movie, Love Story from the 1970’s. I personally think this is an idealized statement about love. John Lennon said it best when he said, “Love is having to say you’re sorry every 5 minutes.” Sometimes friends will distance themselves from you and give you the silent treatment for no reason. I’m very upfront when it comes to certain things and when a friend is insulted by something I have said, I would like for them to confront me so I can “set the road straight.” This is part of my positive reality philosophy. A few weeks ago I thought I had insulted the Leo King and so I offered an apology. Not trying to assume what was going on in his world, it really bothered me that I hadn’t heard from him. I don’t know him very well so I don’t know his personality. I offered up an apology because I cared enough to want to continue interacting with him. If I didn’t care I probably would have let it go and just moved on. He immediately called me to explain the situation and apologized to me. I was surprised and happy about that. In my own advice I have often said that one of my goals was to become a person that is easy to apologize to. I do that by quickly accepting apologies and acknowledging them. Yet I was surprised he even apologized and acknowledged his actions. So far he has been very good at keeping his word so nothing to worry about. My cynicism about dating in general subsided a little. Another thing I’m working on. With him I was able to accept his apology and see my own choices in action. The start of all of my friendships is truly about emotional respect and while we are “marinating” we are also building a friendship and a camaraderie of sorts along with finding out whether or not we could develop a relationship.
Lessons Learned – The soul grows because of the impacts placed on it
I read an article on an astrology site the other day that mentioned how marriage and commitment is no longer a requirement for surviving in this world. In the old days, marriage and harmony at all costs was imperative to surviving. The husband might become a beggar, the woman a prostitute and the kids begging on the streets. In today’s age, being single is a viable option as we have our careers, our friends and our families. We can travel alone, enjoy our hobbies alone, and pursue our dreams without having to ask permission of our significant others if we are single. We can easily get another apartment if we do divorce or break our commitment. Now I’m not advocating that we reject any kind of commitment or coupling but I acknowledge the “human” need for intimacy and why we fall over ourselves wanting to find love. It’s the simple fact that, the IT factor or the idea that the soul yearns to grow through the human experience. That something is what another person brings to a relationship. You will not find this IT factor on your own. That IT factor is not just a sexual passion. The sexual passion is the visible proof that is part of the manifestation that is within. Instead it is what the article called, a spiritual passion.
And spiritual passion is sustained by shared spiritual growth, which in turn is more a function of the ways we press each other to grow (hard aspects) than it is a function of the ways we quietly collude in denial, sleepiness, and endless television (easy aspects). read more!
You don’t get a diamond without a piece of coal going through enormous amounts of pressure. You don’t get new land without lava exploding out of a volcano. Our spirits and our soul grows the same way. If we constantly seek perfection we will never find it. If we seek to understand ourselves within the context of the hearts we leave with our intimate captors the more we learn about ourselves.
Here is what I want all of my readers to understand this holiday season: Pick your battles. I have always found the holidays to be the most stressful time of the year and have personally witnessed couples fight and break up during this time. Please don’t let that happen to you. Practice patience, be kind, and don’t set expectations. For my birthday in a couple of weeks, I would like everyone to do one small thing for someone else. I’ll be participating in Giving Tuesday. Giving Tuesday is brought to you by the United Nations Foundation and happens to be on MY birthday. I’m a social media ambassador for that effort and will be supporting the efforts of Stickman Stew and the Gold Heart Crew as we try to get Stickman Stew toys donated to the kids at local Dallas Charity – Vogel Alcove. Please follow me on Twitter at @DallasSingleMom and follow the hashtag #GivingTuesday and #SpiritOfChristmas