This is a letter to my 29 year old self. I’m now 35 and as my mom likes to say “Middle Aged!” Remember, the middle ages or Medieval period, lasted from the 5th to the 15th century. It began with the collapse of the Western Roman Empire and merged into the Renaissance and the Age of Discovery. So I hope that I’m on the verge of my own personal renaissance. As per a Facebook post today, You are the Result of You! If you don’t like it, change it, tweak, make a different choice. Choose to make things right!
You were always on my mind. I realize that 6 -7 years from now when you are 35 and going on 36 years old you will not truly understand how much heartache that you will have to endure in a span of time that could come close to a decade. As I write this, the story is still unfolding and as much as I want to warn you to prevent you from feeling this grief I know that you will not truly understand this warning. It is your life and you will value the outcome in ways you could not imagine. It will be close to ten years of what most could not even conceive to endure when it comes to love, family, grief, heartache, loss and personal strife. Yet you will make it through and you will have two more children . . . alone . . . You will come to appreciate a strength within yourself along with a life that many will not understand. Nobody will understand your struggles so embrace them and value them for the lessons they will give you.
In the middle of April 2014 as you peruse with your friends about love and dating you will begin to reflect on your life and look for patterns. Like snowflakes, these patterns come in all shapes and sizes based upon the mathematical principles of fractals. Most of life is symmetry and most people have patterns of behavior. People you loved the most will betray you and people that you once hated will become lessons for you. Look for the Pattern! Truth will become lies and lies will become the truth. People will fade from your life and new people will come in. As of yet, you will not understand this in your 29 year old self but you will understand as you get older. You will begin to use your intuition more and look for the patterns. It will be clear then.
For 6 years you will see some people as an enemy and you will hate them because of lies you were told by someone you loved. Beware of the brevity of hate. Not only will it consume you but until you learn the valuable lesson of emotionally letting go, you will continue to distrust and you will not be ready for relationships emotionally. Look for the patterns in people and trust your intuition.
Learn to make things right
May 2014 will be a pivotal month for you. Someone you hate will become a symbol of your transformation. He is the first person you dated after the divorce from your husband and you will begin to realize that he loved you very much. You were fed a lie by your ex husband about this man and begin to realize the pattern of lies that your ex husband continues to present day and what he is capable of. As I look at the annulment finalization letter that got approved this year by the Catholic Church, you will begin to understand what the basis of a relationship and marriage should be about.
You will apologize to this man this month. As I write this just know that for the next 6 years of your life you will believe the lies your ex husband told you. Yet this man who you hated will always be in your corner and rooting for you along with many of your friends and family members. He will do so in silence and struggle on his own. When you finally apologize and realize that he didn’t do those things that your ex husband said he did, you will laugh and cry about all the memories. No matter how painful it is listen to him. Compare your ex husband and this man. Pay attention. He will embody many of the qualities that you will take for granted and you will begin to form the basis of what you are truly looking for in a partner. Take your time, focus on your children and Do not settle for less. Your time will come in ways bigger and bolder than you could ever imagine. Keep your close friends and family in your corner and always look to God. For when your heart asked, God answered. He is always there!