Five tips for communicating with your man

Image courtesy of digitalalert

I just have to add my two cents in here because I visited their site and I think it would be very beneficial for women to take a look. They even have an advice column for women to ask questions from a man’s perspective. You can upload photos so that they can critique your outfit or whatever advice you want. I really like the site because I think I would be a great moderator on their panel. Hint! Hint! Guys! Anyway, I really enjoy the guest post they did for me. Read below:

By Christopher Brya and Miguel Almaraz

We all know that men are somewhat challenged in the communication department. If you need someone to kill bugs, maintain a car, or set up a home Internet network, you could do worse than using a man, But looking for in-depth discussions addressing how they really feel? Not the best choice.

So we took women’s questions about why men communicate the way they do, and then got answers from 250,000 men. The results, collected in our book WTF Are Men Thinking, won’t take your introspective gent and turn him into an emotional and verbal dynamo overnight. But you’ll be closer to understanding why he behaves in certain ways.

Here are just a few of the tips from what the guys told us:

Tip 1: Get to the point. 65% of the men reported that their main source of frustration comes from their female counterparts simply not being able to cut to the chase. This is in part due to, as men put it, women’s tendency to focus on the emotional. Leave out things he already knows or that don’t really impact the point you are trying to make. It will help you get to your point quicker and more importantly, keep his attention.

Tip 2: Never start a conversation with “Can we talk?” If you’re looking for three words that make a man cringe, they aren’t “I love you” – they are “Can we talk?” This language gives him the impression that he’s either done something wrong or that the conversation is going to lead to an argument. For these reasons alone, he’ll tend to avoid those conversations or put up defense mechanisms right away. The key is to be mindful of the way you approach him with a conversation and pay particular attention to what approach works best on your man.

Tip 3: Let him know early on that you’re a parent. When asked when they’d want to know if their date was a mom, men most commonly said “sooner is better”. This doesn’t mean that you need to start off conversations with “Oh by the way, I have two kids,” but letting him know within your first date tells him you’re being open and honest. Introducing your children to him is a different story. While all men said they will want to meet them eventually, they felt it should happen only after the relationship has progressed.

Tip 4: Know what subject is off limits. Men overwhelmingly told us that in order for relationship to work, complete honesty is a must. But there’s one subject that men are not really inclined, at least initially, to discuss: Prior conquests, both his and yours. While this subject is bound to come up eventually, understand that men just aren’t really comfortable discussing the details. Let the relationship develop and you’ll find that he will be more willing to open up to you.

Tip 5: Nagging him won’t get him to do what you asked. Nagging is all in the eye of the nagged. Of course you can ask that something be done. It’s only when you ask multiple times for the same thing that men start feeling nagged. 90% of men responded that they really do listen to their women. So chances are very high that he heard your request, the first time.

If you want him to respond, be aware of your approach. For example, are you reprimanding him when you ask him to complete this task? (e.g., Why do you always forget to throw out the trash?) Instead, the men stated that beginning the request in an endearing fashion will usually yield the results you want. Another suggestion is to give a set time period to complete the task. For example, Hey honey, during the next commercial, can you throw the trash? The key is approach and setting expectations.