A few weeks ago my sister asked me this question while we were talking about the man I’m dating and I was basically stunned. I didn’t really know how to answer except to be truthful, that you don’t ever really stop yourself from falling in love. I’m older and I have a lot of responsibilities that take priority, those things are the priority and falling in love is on the back burner. It’s not completely gone but all those feelings of 24/7 being together, cuddling, kissing and thinking about that special person will in fact take a backseat to raising kids, putting on pajamas, ensuring homework is done, balancing the checkbook, and saving for retirement. At 35, things are way different with regards to dating then when I was 20.
Advice to my young self
If I could give some advice to my 20 year old self when it comes to dating and relationships it would definitely be to take it slow. Learn to love yourself before you end up fantasizing about your wedding and setting up expectations that no man could possibly meet. My sister has been married to my brother in law for a very long time. She was very young when they dated, started a relationship and married. She told me she couldn’t possibly figure out how I hold back what I really feel with the person I’m dating. She has always been one to come out and say it early.
So I told her, I don’t think I’m holding back by not saying anything. I believe as adults we are being prudent and allowing our actions to show more then what our mouths are saying. However, in this game, saying how you feel too fast will scare a man away. So I asked the guy I was dating for his perspective: How do you prevent yourself from falling too deep? He then responded back with, “Why would anyone want to do that?” and wondering how I felt. He feels nobody ever stops themselves from falling in love. Either you are or you are not.
No one can stop themselves from falling in love
He, whom I fondly refer to as Mr. Giants Fan and I have been dating since November 3rd. It is still so new and is mostly filled with great times but on many occasions my insecurities will rear their ugly heads and I start accusing him of everything under the sun. This is the main reason why I have a hard time expressing how I feel to him because I’m not sure what all of that means. What would it mean to have those feelings? Does it mean that we have a commitment? Then what does that mean? How will it affect our children that we already have? How would it affect our families? How would it affect our careers and home life? There is no doubt in my mind that I am in fact falling in love with him and yet I haven’t exactly expressed this with sincerity. I have no clue how he feels about me except that he does say he cares about me. However, if he doesn’t feel the same way should I just get rid of him? I’ve threatened to leave twice already since he doesn’t communicate the same way as I do and non communication is one form of how I act out my insecurities. I literally get a lot of anxiety over this due to my own insecurities and yet majority of the time we are fine. So in my search for what is bothering me, I intend on really opening up my own wounds to determine why I feel so unsettled at times in this relationship. I have been reading Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal from the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable by Dr. Lillian Glass and Mr. Giants Fan is not at all toxic, but I’m starting to think that I am.
Insecurity and uncertainty has made me so emotionally unavailable that I unknowingly prevent myself from truly falling in love.
Stay tuned as I continue this series as I write a post on how to stop being emotionally unavailable and have a fulfilling dating life.
Disclaimer: All opinions presented are 100% the opinion of the blog owner as applicable.
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