I loved my experience and yet I didn’t have my profile up for long. All in all I had a ton of messages, great responses and a chance to really explore how I communicate and if I was ready to date. My profile was long and thorough and what I discovered about myself was very valuable. Plenty of Fish is probably one of the most popular dating sites out there. I’m not sure what their algorithm is but a lot of it is location based and you just fill out some questions and by the sheer number of making it free, you get a ton of potential matches near you. Based upon the Tinder model, you can decide based on looks alone if you want to meet someone or not. That’s where it’s easy to then say – “Yeah I want to message this person because they clicked the section that says they want to meet me.”
The key to good conversation is to have one. I made my profile long and detailed but in the beginning it wasn’t much so. I changed my mind on what I wanted to disclose after a few dates because I wanted to communicate clearly to the other person and to discourage those that didn’t quite the fit the bill. I wish I could say that I found the one and I’m getting married. No wedding plans, but I did find the one – I found out more about me. So Why take your online dating profile down?
My experience on the site has been incredible and I have had a lot of fun. I met some great people. I met some people that I will probably be friends with for a very long time. Truth be told, there is a lot of growing up that I need to do in the area of emotional availability and I have a lot of current responsibilities that I need to sort out. Right now I am not relationship material and yet secretly many guys out there are looking for a relationship. I am looking to make friends, have an adventure and date. I believe that once intimacy gets involved it takes relationships to a whole new level and quite honestly I’m not ready to be intimate. I have to admit that my happiness in life is dependent upon my ability to navigate my personal issues on my own. It’s not enough to put a band aid on something and parade it around like it’s a masterpiece. It’s not – well not yet anyway.
Always remember, you are dealing with the human heart. Not just yours but also theirs. Heavy as life maybe I’ve come to see that some of these men are really grappling with who they are. I didn’t think it was fair to parade myself around while they seemed to sit there with such heavy burdens on themselves. Especially when some of them are still trying to define who they are. One of the things that I have found is that based upon my past, I’m very reluctant to let anyone in. I put emotions to the extremes at times where it needs to be 100% complete and blissful happiness. I have this “relationship with my expectations” that I need to break up with. If I don’t have control or obtain the ideal image in my head I go on emotional overload and become angry to the point that I issue ultimatums. That is no way to treat people and yet I see that within myself and know I need to change that.
Rather than sit back and complain about Plenty of Fish I would rather reflect upon my experience which is the purpose of this post. I remember awhile ago, maybe about 3 to 4 years ago a man I was dating gave me a book that changed my life. It was called The Four Agreements.
I should make this a poster to keep in my room. As a summary the four agreements are: Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. From the site I dated a man that said he had no children. When we finally met, he admitted to me he had 4 children. I asked him why did he lie about that? I asked if it was because then less women would talk to him. He nodded his head in agreement. That was a red flag for me, how could anyone lie about having 4 children! On my profile I was truthful about how many I had because frankly my priority happens to be my children. You can’t hide your children. I can’t exactly date a jet setter that wants to whisk me away at a moment’s notice to France because I have children to tend to. I have found that is the reality of my life and to deny that truthful part of me, would mean that I wouldn’t be living authentically. This is not a slight against this particular date because he lied, but have to be mindful that being dishonest sometimes stems from unrealized fears. It makes complete sense why someone would lie in a case like that. It’s still up to me to accept them for who they are.
I personally prefer to message men I’m interested in rather than date men that message me first. I’m not sure why that is the case, but if I see a profile of a man I’m interested in I will message and rather than flirt I ask questions about their profile. I typically get a question such as, “Why was it about me that made you want to message me?” That’s a hard question to answer and typically I say ‘”I had a hunch.”
In any case, online dating can be fun if you have the right attitude, be clear about what you want, don’t take things personal and roll with it. Obviously if you plan on being intimate with someone use protection and don’t be naive – Safety first. I have found that if you wait a while, a very long while before you are intimate you can really get to know someone and use better judgment with them on whether they would make a great partner for you.
Just remember it gets better with time. Which online dating sites have you tried? Why did you stop?
The above post may contain an affiliate link.