I rarely write a blog post on Friday nights because most people (including me) are out and about and very rarely check social media or read blogs. Today was a very long day and I’m glad I chose to stay home and spend time with Baby B tonight since this weekend will be filled with a lot of activities such as going to see Hercules (Wait! don’t tell me what happens at the end) to a day a review of the Legoland Discovery Center at Grapevine Mills on Sunday. A lot has happened this week and unfortunately I’ve had to break up with someone very special to me. While that leaves me sad it also leaves me hopeful because with a lot of reflection I have learned so much about how far I have come in the last 18 months. There are emotional risks and vulnerabilities that I was willing to pursue and talk about with someone when I am normally a very private person not espoused to emotional vulnerability or sensitivity which is normal for single mothers. Things I would have never dreamed of talking about with anyone before I was taking a risk and talking about. This makes me very hopeful of the future. One of the things I have learned is that it’s not the events, actions and goals that will create your happiness but it’s your ability and willingness to dream and endeavor with another person that can bring you so much emotional joy. It’s the process and not necessarily the end result. It’s the effort that one puts forth that makes a difference.
The Dating and Relationship Marathon
About ten years ago I ran my first marathon in San Diego. Of all the life changing experiences of my life I can say that completing 26.2 miles ranks in the top ten. I began training in February in the snow in Denton for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The marathon was in June so it took me just 5 months to train and complete a marathon. Every week we just kept adding mileage on top of the miles already done the week prior. We started at Mi Casita Restaurant on Oak Street and made one big 8 mile loop. My favorite part was always running through Texas Women’s University. I remember a few weeks prior to the marathon my ultimate goal was doing that same loop twice. I mean if you can do 16 miles you can easily do 26.2 miles. I gradually got up to about 22 miles on the training schedule and was able to complete the marathon and fundraising by the June race date. When I completed the whole thing I cried and I was sore and delirious. I didn’t exactly run the whole way and at times I walked but I finished and that was the main thing. Dating and a relationship is like training for a marathon. It takes work and a passion for that work so that it doesn’t feel like “work.” That probably doesn’t make much sense but completing the marathon, while a very phenomenal experience, changed my life because of the training needed to get there. There was a lot of small run days of 3 to 6 miles, diet changes, stretching techniques, fundraising, shoe shopping, hydration and so many other elements that became a part of the experience. It became second nature to me. I know that training course so well that I may not remember the street names but I can remember the restaurants I passed, the hills, the schools and so many other landmarks. Whether it’s your career, your family, dating or a relationship you have to want to put in that effort and be “ONE” with the process. As I mentioned the other day you have to do what you need to do to “feed the children.” If you are going to hold back on any of the small processes you will suffer at the end result. Some of it will be pleasant and some of it will be dull. At other times part of the process will be unpleasant but once you get past those things, how hard it was will not matter.
A lack of commitment creates a weak foundation
Once I trained for three weeks for a half marathon. I finished the half marathon but because I cut short my training and got lazy I pretty much died. Yes I died during that race and I was not proud of myself because I knew I could do better. I mean I completed a marathon and yet I was dying on 13.1 miles. I didn’t do the necessary daily training and wasn’t committed to the process. I was arrogant and thought I could just finish without thinking of the consequences of NOT training properly would do. I don’t need to tell you what happened. I suffered greatly. It was enough that could discourage anyone from even trying again. That can also happen with your marriage, your relationships, your career, your family, your responsibilities. If you are skimming the surface and doing “just enough” or even less than “just enough” you will suffer. I have experienced such horrific circumstances that I can speak from experience. Put in the work necessary and you will not suffer with half-hearted efforts. NOBODY deserves half-hearted efforts. Not your spouse, your children, your family, your boss, your friends or your colleagues.
The responsibility of staying the course
One of the things that many single mothers are familiar with in the dating and relationship process is that many of us will hold on to relationships that bring us nothing because it is much better to get treated badly or unfairly than it is to be alone. Yet it is necessary to be alone and learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. We try so hard to hold on to a relationship, a job, or an addiction that brings us nothing and doesn’t serve God’s purpose for us. My astrologer and I were talking about my relationship and I quickly reminded her that we broke up as it just isn’t the right time. She reminded me that life always works out the way it is supposed to. That can be a bitter pill to swallow because sometimes we want so badly the thing we cannot have. She also reminded me of the scripture “For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” (Luke 12:48) She began to explain to me that “We have been given a lot (by God) and therefore more is expected from us. Some people can’t step up, but we are given the talents to do so.” This has been affecting me all day. My astrological chart has about 5 Grand Crosses which means that it is a very challenging chart and a very challenging lifetime. My views on life are very different based upon my experiences. At the end of the day I HAVE to feed the children. I have to do what I need to do to use what God has given me for a higher purpose. That is why I sit here working my Leo in the fourth house – home, family and property.
Don’t be that Bull in the China Shop
What all this astrology means to me? Well if you haven’t read Dr. Standley’s weekly horoscope you will not be taking advantage of some awesome energy associated with using Jupiter in Leo conjunct the Sun in Leo. This energy is all about long range outlook, goals, ambitions as well as romantic and creative energy. For me the challenge is that I put other’s thoughts and wants before mine. Since my 1st house or rising sign is Taurus, (read more about rising signs here) I must focus on my self and personality like a melodious cow and not like a snotty nosed bull. (see the video below for what happens when a bull is let loose in a china shop.) I must pull on that energy in order to fulfill what I need to with that Leo energy. Dr. Standley constantly reminds me about the melodious cow or the snotty nosed bull reference.
It’s almost like saying that I need to handle things gracefully rather than turning into the emotional crazy that sometimes happens when I get very stubborn. I’m sure my ex can attest to the snotty nosed bull personality that I sometimes have. I think this is great advice for everyone.
The Old Pair of Shoes
The bull doesn’t like to change and I sit here comfortable with my job but contemplating something my boss asked me the other day. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I am very happy where I am at. I love my boss and my company and I don’t want to move up not just yet. I told him as a single mom to change positions would mean more stress and I have a good work-life balance now. He agreed with me and commended me but explained to me the consequences of my inaction. He explained the most executives may look down on that and if I decide to move later I might get limited. Then he said “Change is inevitable. You can’t stay in one place. It’s like my sister. She stayed with a guy because he was like an old pair of shoes.” He’s absolutely right in that change will happen with or without me. It’s better to be in the front of that change rather than trying to catch up.
How do you stay the course? Have you ever resisted change?