In this latest reader advice column, Sun Sign Capricorn has a question about confessions. If you don’t know what the term means, the term “dip” refers to chewing tobacco.
Dear Dallas Single Mom,
I’ve been dating this guy for a year. A can of chewing tobacco happened to be in his backpack. When I asked him if he “dipped” he said it was an old can and that he doesn’t do it anymore. On various occasions I have asked if he “dipped” and he keeps telling me no. I don’t believe him and I’m not sure why he just doesn’t admit that he does. We keep arguing about this and we broke up over it. Why can’t he just admit he dips?
Sincerely, Sun Sign Capricorn
Dear Sun Sign Capricorn,
You remind me of a police detective. You have all the evidence in the world but what you really want is a confession. The other part of that is you really want to put a feather in your cap and prove to him that YOU ARE RIGHT. Try to examine your reasons for wanting these things and see if they are really worth losing a relationship over. If chewing tobacco is a deal breaker for you than break up. Your delivery of the message might need a little bit of work. Instead of taking an accusatory tone with him, help him feel comfortable to be honest with you and share his habits with you. Acknowledge his habit and then explain how it makes you feel (if it’s a dealbreaker for you). If it’s not a dealbreaker, just acknowledge that you don’t like it around you. If he denies the habit, I would generally try to evaluate why he feels the need to lie to you and if you are willing to put with dishonestly on such a level. I personally feel this is a pretty straightforward situation. Put up with it or don’t. I’d put up with dipping but the bigger issue here is his need to lie about it. Then ask yourself if you are willing to put up with that.