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Dear Dallas Single Mom,
Should I tell my ex spouse of 17 years that I had many extra-marital affairs over the years?
A: This was a tough question to answer and when I posted it on Facebook there was a wide variance on the appropriate response. Since this is an Ex-Spouse there is no need to rehash affairs that happened over many years ago. However, the person asking the question must come to grips with the reality of their present day situation and reflect on their lives and deal with the emotional mess of divorce. The real question to ask is, “What real benefit will revealing infidelity have on the present situation as it exists?”
My ex cheated on me. I had to find out via his email which I had the password for since he allowed me to answer his email. Finding out that a spouse cheated on you is very devastating. This led to a constant battle and never really forgiving him for the infidelity. Now, one of the hardest things to do is to try to get along with an ex-spouse. In mot cases, they were already aware of something “not quite right” and while revealing this information may seem like it will ease your burden, the spouse that had no idea will have to cope with new feelings and emotions again. The only reason you would need to reveal the validity of an affair is if it could threaten the life of your spouse (STD’s). If revealing this information may lead to domestic violence or a threat to the life of the person involved in the affair than being altogether truthful will not benefit anyone.
The key is to learn from this situation and try to forge a better relationship with your ex-spouse. If you happen to have kids, do it for their sake.