Did you know that I subscribe to the 70/30 rule? The 70/30 rule is something that I picked up while researching a lot about astrology and my astrological natal chart. The rule as I had learned it is simply stated as this
Focus on 70 percent being absolutely wonderful and the other 30 percent accepting challenges that will build your fine character. There will always be 30 percent of something that needs tweeking. Including relationships, money, career, etc. If you are in a relationship that is 30/70, then obviously something needs to change so the flip-side is 70/30. And there is always room for improvement. Read More . . .
However, this rule as it applies to me also coincides with another rule that I like to call, Living By the RULE and accepting that you are NOT the EXCEPTION. For an example of how this works, I’m going to discuss a disturbing email I received from a reader this morning.
Dear Dallas Single Mom,
Hey, I thought I would let you know that it’s so over. He has donethe unthinkable and the worst part is he is trying to turn it aroundon me again. Let’s say the chick he is messing around with, well not only does she work with him, she used to be affiliated with his club andoh yeah we were hanging out with them at the park yesterday. Please kissall of your adorable girls and guys and know I’m going to be ok. I’mstrong. I felt you might always wonder in the back of your head, soI’m glad you don’t have to worry about me and us anymore. I feel likethe biggest kind of fool, but at least I thought I was doing it out ofthe love I have for our daughter. Who knew that the very person who gave methe most amazing gift ever, would make my life so wretched. So it’s not a total loss after all. Thanks for not judging me.
This is someone who I have known for a very long time so of which I am very familiar with many of HER details surrounding the beginning, middle and what looks close to be almost the end of this relationship. Here is how the 70/30 rule would apply to this relationship:
1) He has a history of cheating since he cheated on his wife with her, he has had online dating profiles well into their marriage. Probabilities of him cheating fall into the 70% category making infidelity and insecurity the rule in his life, not the exception.
2) She has accepted this behavior in their marriage making her insecurity the RULE in her relationships rather than the EXCEPTION. For her, she is spending 70% of her time dealing with challenges and 30% of her time in a nurturing relationship.
Always follow the rule, never the exception!
Whenever I get a letter from someone that discusses cheating, two timing or whatever I always advise them of the simple little rule that relationship or dating red flags give you a ton of evidence for the RULE vs EXCEPTION debate. If you know what you want in someone then whenever red flags come up you can apply them to the RULE vs EXCEPTION test. Here are a few examples:
1) He is non-specific and gives no details on any of the following: employment, marital status, immigration status, or offspring
2) As Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. A good guy will have testimonies or a history that proves he’s a nice guy. However if you discover things from his past such as infidelity, finger pointing or playing the blame game, mistreatment of family members, or anything that seems fishy then you apply it to the 70/30 rule and based upon what you value, you’ll be able to see how compatible you both are.
3) It’s safe to choose based on the rule than the exception. If you are looking for stability than the rule will work seventy percent of the time which is pretty good odds. You can try to create a foundation for a relationship based upon the potential of the exception but you’ll be expending 70% of your energy and only getting 30% back in return. Not worth it for the extra effort
Is there a possibility that someone can be an exception?
From my experience at answering many people’s relationship problems, 100% of the time, NO! That’s my honest answer. I would love to be wrong but 100% of the time, the other person has not been the exception that defied the odds.
The best way to follow the 70/30 rule is to define your rules and what’s important to you and create boundaries or a barrier to entry because you are worth it. If you truly want a fulfilling relationship, determine those things you will not put up with. Then watch for the red flags and the positives. If you something is unsettling, then check with your 70/30 rule. Now 70/30 is a guideline for all of those out there who are very “tried and true measurement people” but what I’m trying to illustrate is that people should expect happiness within themselves the majority of the time. If you find yourself struggling and feeling unhappy for most of the time in the relationship, then you get what I mean.