Last week First Lady, Michelle Obama created a media firestorm when she misspoke and called herself a single mom. Seriously, anybody with intelligence could tell it was a mistake and she probably had multiple thoughts in her head at the time about how being a mom – whether married or single is a tough job. At first, whenever a married woman would call herself a single mother it would really bother me and in some instances insult me because I felt they had no idea what it was like because they still had a ring, an extra paycheck and a husband while I did not. Then I decided to truly define what “single motherhood” really was and came to understand that yes, at one point or another we are all single mothers – Let’s stand up and be proud that THEY are catching a glimpse of what we deal with.
So why do single mothers need to lighten up
There’s a simple reason why most single mothers need to lighten up whenever a celebrity, a political figure, or even a married mom calls herself a single mom: SOCIETAL EMPATHY and SUPPORT from non single moms. Let’s face it, the media scrutinizes and continues to create a negative connotation to single mothers by which a ton of single mothers feel the need to defend their situation. That is unfair and a waste of energy. The moms who are NOT truly single mothers, identify with an aspect of single motherhood and through their experience, gain empathy and understanding for our situations and needs. This can be a catalyst to create a support system for single motherhood as a part of today’s society and the gradual social normalcy of single parenthood. We should be encouraging dialogue and providing our insight and expertise on how these women can manage the same issues that single mothers deal with all the time:
- Time Management
- Managing your career
- Stress/Anxiety and Depression
- Dating and Relationships- for married couples – they need to learn to date again
- Co-parenting – Yes, you can be married and still have to learn how to parent together
- Quality time with the kids
- Asking for help and creating a support system
Why define Single Motherhood in a series
I’ve decided to define the different types of single mothers and how their situations came to pass. In a discussion with Real Posh Mom she pointed out that I have a few single mom types going on in my household and she is absolutely right. In fact, it’s pretty exceptional and definitely abnormal. It’s so abnormal the media sometimes will not include my opinions on single motherhood because they are looking for the stereotyped single mom that did not CHOOSE single motherhood. To make a long story short and you can read the list of characters on my about me page, I was married and divorced in 2008 which produced my first child. That’s when I first became a single mother. Then I chose to add on to my family and wanted my daughter to have a sibling close to her age, so I chose to have my second daughter. No accident and no dad in the picture. With my last child, he was an accident. The person I dated at the time stated he had a vasectomy when in fact he did not. This definitely describes the importance of safe sex or what I like to call now, celibacy and no intimate relations until way down the road. Each situation was unique but all part of how I became and added to my single mom kingdom. The point of this series is to talk about each type throughout April and May and begin a dialogue with single mothers about their struggles, their triumphs, their emotional loneliness, the financial difficulties and the drive that is inherent in single motherhood. This is not a place for mothers of any kind to be ashamed about how they came to be or to be judged. This is dialogue and a place where people can see that they are not alone.
Comment Below: If you were to define your “Single Motherhood” how would you define it? You could be married and your husband travels a lot OR you could be a single father and not a mom at all. Keep the conversation positive. No insults or vulgar language.