So I met my ex husband’s girlfriend at a baby shower and . . . .

As you know I went to a wonderful baby shower today and I am extremely exhausted. So while I was there, one of the guests just so happened to be new in town and did the whole mingle thing. Obviously I don’t know her, nor did I know my ex was dating anyone. It doesn’t bother me for him to be dating because that’s what single people do. So as we started talking I lamented about how I have to find a date for a wedding I’m going to. Of course I hate finding a date because if we don’t hit it off, I’m stuck with someone that I don’t want to be with. So I was thinking of taking my daughter.  Just so happened this person, let’s just call  her C4SA (Coach Bag 4 seasons ago) discussed her dating life and how she juggles 3 to 4 guys at the same time.

She juggles 3 to 4 guys at the same time

I figured she’s obviously new to the dating scene and I love when dating newbies like to give me dating advice.  I have been dating and single longer than I have been married. So if I want to waste my time on alienating someone’s feelings, then I’ll create my account in a jiffy.  When I was in my twenties and frankly naive and stupid, I once juggled 7 guys at once. With online dating, it’s easy to do that because I feel that online dating is a buffet line. Enough crap to fill you up but none of it is quality. I have quickly realized that what happens a lot in online dating is that you meet a lot of crap. As for me, I don’t have time to deal with crap because I’m busy with kids, my career and my businesses so I’m not going to waste my precious resource I call time.

My boyfriend’s daughter’s name is Cameron!

As we speak, she is probably texting and calling my ex husband trying to get information out of him. That’s what women do. If you don’t do that, then stop reading this blog post right now and write 100 times on a piece of paper, “I am a bald-faced liar.” Little clues here and there came out as she discussed her dating adventures and I started to wonder if she was dating my ex-husband.  Then of course my Cameron belted out her middle name, by which C4SA belted out that it was the same name as her boyfriend’s daughter.  So rather than have me feeling awkward I asked her straight out, “I do believe you are dating my ex-husband which if you are, that would be very awkward.”  So after I mentioned his name she confirmed it. You could literally hear a pin drop in the room. One of my friend’s belted out, “Does anyone need a drink?” It reminded me of that scene in Bride Wars at the shower. Take a look at the reaction of the guest’s faces because that’s how everyone at the baby shower looked like:

Another one of the guests said, “Oh that’s really funny! So you are dating her ex-husband!” While the honorary mom-to-be yelled out, “That’s AWKWARD!” but you know in that funny way, that prolongs the vowels just long enough to prolong any feeling of discomfort (say the kind of discomfort you get at the Gynecologist’s office). Originally, she had described how her boyfriend’s daughter was so beautiful because she was part filipino, white and east indian. Then she described that his daughter knew 6 languages. (I was thinking, wow! I need to meet this kid so she can teach my daughter to speak another language.  LOL!)  So then I asked what any single mom would  ask . . . . .

Have you ever met my daughter?

The photo to the left are my girls at the shower. Literally, any single mom wants to know if their child has met their dad’s girlfriend. Just curious. She told me she didn’t so I said, “Well, you’ve met her now. Here she is.” I actually felt bad for C4SA because I could immediately tell that she was uncomfortable but the duties of the party hostess at the moment were important so I did my best to reassure her that it was all in good fun and she didn’t need to worry. However, that quickly ended that conversation. Her reaction was to say that she was going to have fun with it. Whatever that means but there is no need to lie or manipulate anything. Maybe it’s because I truly don’t feel anything for the guy and it’s not like she seems to be a threat. She just seems like the hundreds of women I talk to via my website who experience breakups or divorces and are managing life. Even my friends thought there was going to be  a Jerry Springer moment about to occur and wanted to know my true feelings on the subject for which I replied after she had left of course:

“How can you handle yourself? If it was me, I’d be so upset!” for which I replied,

“It doesn’t bother me. I really don’t know how to react. I’m going to lay my cards out on the table first rather then to keep up this conversation pretending it isn’t what it really is.”

“How do you feel about meeting your ex-husband’s girlfriend (date)?” for which I replied,

(I borrowed this from a Cybil Shepherd show “Cybill”) “It’s like a used car, once your done driving it, who cares who drives it after you.”

After it was all said and done, I did take a look to ponder about my reaction to the whole situation. I did explain to C4SA that I wasn’t going to say anything to my ex. I don’t believe his dating life is my business. I did warn her that he doesn’t like surprises. For which she replied, “It’s not anything serious since I’m dating 3 to 4 other guys.” Unless my ex has changed, he really doesn’t like that either.  However, there are some things that I wished I had said but didn’t since I believe that people enter each other’s lives for a reason and they have to experience those things in order to learn about themselves. However the way she fawned over this guy, I was pretty letdown because she was talking about my ex.  Even bigger letdown because He Uses the SAME BS lines he was using over 5 years ago.  I also know at this moment she is Googling my name and will find my website so I want to make sure she reads this blog post and gets all the juicy details.

The Top Ten List of Things I wish I had said in that moment

There’s a really good reason why I said very little to C4SA. Like any good host, a party should be about the honored guest so I did not want anything to detract from that. Second, I really don’t care but sometimes the pangs stay with you and thus is the list:

10.  Do you know he doesn’t have a job? At least that’s what he tells me since he owes back child support and has to beg his father to pay for his rent, etc. And if he says he has a job he’s probably telling you it’s in oil and gas or that he’s a financial broker. LOL! He couldn’t sell a furnace to an eskimo. That’s about as good as his selling skills are.

9. He says he’s East Indian but he’s really Pakistani. He just says East Indian on his online dating profile because it sounds exotic but he’s really from Karachi. It’s on his birth certificate. Or at least the one he showed me when he filed his paperwork.

8.  I have a feeling he brought up how he used to be an MMA fighter or a kickboxer and that he won trophies. I have never actually seen trophies.

7. He thinks I’m on drugs and that I’m a gang banger. In fact he took me to court and wrongfully accused me of this of which the judge looked at him like he was crazy. Then when it was the final bench trial, he was too broke to afford an attorney and successfully pissed off the judge because he didn’t bother to show up to court for a case he started in the first place.

6. He’s supposed to have his daughter right now for summer visitation but as you can see he doesn’t take her for his visitation.

5. He actually jealous of his brother in law in Canada. Mainly because that guy has a real job and is able to take care of his sister and his mother.

4. He may or may not be from South Africa but there is no definitive proof he lived there. He may have lived there for a few years (of which none of that I have been able to personally verify) and while he claims to have a condo there, none of it actually exists. He is from Pakistan. Any verbiage to the contrary is a lie.

3. BTW – your husband cheated on you. Well my ex cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend from Oklahoma. Even picked her up with my car and used my credit cards to pay for her expenses. He claimed he was going to a fight clinic. Her name is Amber and yes, she does live in TX. In fact, she lives in Houston of which he loves going down there to visit.

2. He has an excessive porn addiction. This is not a lie and this would not be defamation or slander because it’s true.

1. It kinda bums me out that he can afford to take women out on dates and but owes on child support and still owes me for my legal fees bringing up a frivolous lawsuit and then not bothering to show up.  After he got the paperwork he was at my front door wanting to give up  his daughter. Considering how much he loves recording my phone calls when we talk, I should have recorded that.

When all is said and done . . . 

I’m doing mighty fine. I might not be juggling 3 to 4 guys like CB4A but I don’t have to. I make way more money than I thought possible and I take care of all my children. If I want to put my back into it I can. An event like this really puts things into a whole new perspective and I will have many laughs about this for years to come. Am I bitter? I’m bitter about the fact that it’s the same lame game. What’s your version of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

So I dedicate this to my Sunday Brunch Crew – when I die, I want this story to be one of the chapters in my life. The one where you can look years ahead to see how you’ve grown.

Also, would you like to read the hate mail I got from this post: You’re Not Allowed to be Friends with my Wife Anymore . . . and you can also see how this started to trend on twitter via the hashtag #awkwardforher

Disclaimer: Image: All opinions presented are 100% my own.