Here is where I share a funny but inspiring dating story. This story came to mind because one of the exchanges that NYScorpio and I had during a heated text message exchange was how “bull-headed” I was and that I always think I’m right. I’m a rising sign Taurus so yes I can appear to be bull headed but remember I am also very steadfast, persistent, trustworthy, self reliant, enduring and a myriad of other traits.
So it’s interesting that I thought of the time I convinced my date to eat cow testicles (unbeknownst to me) and then spilled the beans that I saw his wedding registry. I met this “Taurus” online. Taurus is represented by the bull. Quite frankly it was his persistence that paid off for this Taurus because I probably would not have noticed him since I get tons of messages on these dating sites. First of all the site is antiquated now by today’s standards and it’s just a pain to talk to anyone on the site so I’m amazed he even got through. The first thing I noticed was his first message to me where he basically stated “he could run rings around me” in the intelligence department. I am always up for a challenge and so I participated. We went out on a whim the first night and to my surprise I grew quite fond of the guy.
We agreed to go on another date the next night. His personality, his looks and just his overall romantic demeanor was appealing to me. He has a great job, great ambition and so seemed like a great catch overall. My favorite things about him were his humor and wonderful stories that are off the beaten path. So when I did a simple Google Search the next day I was pleasantly surprised to see that he was getting married.
His fiancee had a bevy of items from Crate and Barrel and Bed Bath and Beyond all picked out like as if this marriage was an accessory. This will be up for another discussion but I don’t get wedding registries when you are an adult and 30 years old. By then you should already own a set of towels. If you want to give me a gift, give me airline miles, experiences, stocks or something. I don’t need more stuff but that’s just me. Deep fryers for $100, $99 deviled egg trays, and every sort of shot glass and high ball glass you could think of. If they got these kinds of problems maybe adding alcohol to the mix might make it worse. I mean seriously. I wanted to gag (maybe I was jealous) but I stared at this long list of registry items hoping to get a glimpse at this chick’s personality. It was a shame to see that nothing on the list was purchased for them. An endless list of every single kitchen knife you could think of and a big a$$ bold image of the guy I went on a date with last night in the arms of his fiancee. I honestly don’t get mad at the things I see every day.
I had a long discussion with myself about this interesting development. The philosopher and psychologist in me always tries to understand behavior. I am not judgmental but I am practical and I want to understand experiences because I write about them here. Duh! The empathizing part of me has also been in his situation as well as the fiancee’s. I can understand “cold feet” and trying to get in a last hooray before getting married. I’m not saying it’s right but I like to think I’ve grown up and matured in the ways of communicating with my significant other. I hate to say it but I did the same thing before I got married to my second husband as this Taurus guy did to his fiancee. It’s something I’m ashamed of and have only admitted now. I can also understand what it’s like to be planning a wedding and unbeknownst to you, your fiancee is out hooking with up other women. When I was planning my wedding I knew something was wrong but I was in denial thinking that marriage was going to fix everything. My ex-husband and I were both messed up and should never have gotten married but then my daughter would never have been born. I told two friends about this development with this Taurus and told them I will give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him about it. They all said maybe he has cold feet and I should go to help him figure that out and stop the wedding before it’s too late. I laugh at this because they called me a caped crusader (yeah right). It’s just dinner, I’m not marrying the guy. So let’s get to the part about cow testicles.
Calf fries are really cow testicles
I know them as mountain oysters not as calf fries. In Texas they call them calf fries which are breaded and deep fried cow testicles which are in fact quite tasty. I did not realize this at the time and so I assumed they were mini chicken friend steaks. So I convinced him of this and there we were dining like 2 morons on cow testicles. Here I am a rising sign Taurus with this sun sign Taurus eating cow nuts. The entire evening he basically said the right things all night saying “I was his universe” and how beautiful I was. All the while feeding me bullshit (I like puns) and munching down on calf fries. In the back of my mind I was thinking about “wow this guy is about to get married.” At the end of dinner and after he paid the bill I made my move.
I loudly proclaimed “I saw your wedding registry.” I could see his face drop and his tone change almost like he was about to be sick.
Quite honestly I was not mad but I almost felt sorry for him. At the same time I could also sense relief in his whole demeanor. He proceeded to tell me about his “cold feet,” his plans and that he felt his fiancee was not the woman he thought she was and that she was controlling. He even admitted to hiding at work so as not to deal with her. He said he was stuck and can’t turn back. One of the best statements I read about love was from Dr. Loretta Standley as she pointed out in my horoscope,
When it comes to relationships, your long-term partner or spouse must be your friend. You have to have a friendship as the foundation. We all know what it is to Love someone but not like them. YOU must sincerely ‘like’ that person.
I took that opportunity not to bitch him out but just to listen, create a learning experience for both of us and hopefully leave him better than when I found him. (Dangerous territory ladies!) I caution men on confiding in me because that can be a slippery slope but he just looked like a guy that needed to vent. I’m not judging because I didn’t hear her side of the story.
Admitting an affair to a blogger – Dangerous Territory
I told him that I was a blogger for single moms and I talk about my experiences to help them. He seemed impressed like he wanted to help or he felt guilty and felt obligated to help. Either way the truth was out. He told me stories about women he knew that were single mothers and how they overcame their differences. He told me about his ex-wife and how she took care of his daughter while he was serving his country and really respected her playing that single mom role. I see a broken man with a lot of therapy needs. He talked about serving his country and his worry about karma. I like to think I was his karma, there to listen and be a signpost but ultimately he will have to make tough choices in his life. I mean let’s ask ourselves if this person would really want someone he doesn’t like taking care of his daughter and also would he want to have more children with this person. Marriage is not all about kids but he already has one so that should be one of the biggest priorities to consider when getting remarried.
I respect him enough to allow him to make his own decisions about what to do with his life. This is not a post to ridicule or shame but to let people know that we are all suffering in some way and not everyone is playing games. We all have real life issues that are hard to wrestle with and sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees.
My best advice is: Don’t waste anyone’s time. I think if I was in her shoes I would have wanted to know about his cold feet but from nobody else BUT him. I can’t really tell what his motive was trying to pick up another girl in the midst of getting married. Maybe it was to have one last fling, who knows? I’m pretty sure he got more than he bargained for. I think convincing him to eat cow testicles would be a fitting punishment.
At the end of the evening he told me one of the most beautiful statements I have ever heard. Of course I take this with a grain of salt. He said, (paraphrasing) that my eyes were like looking into Lake Tahoe.
“When you look into the water it is so clear and it looks like there is no bottom. It’s like your eyes. It’s like it goes on forever. I just want to know what’s behind those eyes.”
I hope I left him better than when I found him. At the time he really helped to re-energize my mission and as I retell this story I can’t help but continue to feel that same way. I don’t bother looking him up because some imprints only last as long as the seashore doesn’t wash away the impressions in the sand. That was one of those encounters – let’s leave it romantic and alone. If any punishment was given out I’m sure he will always associate cow testicles with me. :-)