What’s interesting about the events in Newtown, Connecticut is to see how a nation and a community can come together to support each other. How a parent that may have no connection to the residents or those killed in the attack can feel a sense of grief and empathy and put that into action with prayer, hugs, donations or a clear act of love. I h ave no connection there but I have a deep love to those residents and families like they are my neighbors. That if I could just show one person love, that somehow I made a difference.
One of the themes that seemed to run through my facebook page was to “Hug your children.” Like many other parents we hugged our children and we forgot about the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season to come together as a family and pray, talk and share memories. This is my opportunity to talk about those parents who don’t exist in their child’s lives and it is their choice to be a non existent figure during times like these which show the moral compass and fiber by which these non existent parents live.
The Non Existent Parent – my ex
If you don’t know it yet my ex owes over $6,000 in child support as of this writing and I have learned to live with out it. As a parent I realize that being a parent is about more than money, it’s about presence and your moral capacity to do what is necessary to bring your children up in the light of God and in a loving environment based upon the resources you have. Whether my ex paid his child support or not, the answer would be the same. In case you didn’t realize it, Hugs are FREE so are conversations about cats, butterflies, snakes, video games and Pete the Cat. These things do not require child support. What’s also free is telling your kids you love them, that in spite of such horrible tragedies there is a good that can be seen from all the pain, grief and chaos. Teaching our children to rise above tragedies will be the stepping stone to how they cope with life. I’m glad that I get to be a part of my daughter’s life and to truly teach those things and have an open communication with her. Unfortunately, my ex chooses to not be in her life. Oh he will blame me for that, because that is what he does best – convince people that he is truly the victim.
You’re not punishing me at all
To all the non custodial parents who feel like they don’t have to pay child support or don’t want to pay child support as a way to spite their exes. Congratulations, you have just proven to the world how much control your past has on your life. Your unwillingness to forgive shows how much guilt, pain, anger and rejection you have on yourself. You’ve just shown how much the past holds you back from moving forward and doing what is your moral obligation and turpitude to do. Remember, hugs are free – they don’t require child support. I get them everyday, along with little chats about school, bugs, books and Dora. You disappearing doesn’t hurt me at all, you’re non payment of child support doesn’t affect me either. While it would be nice because then I wouldn’t have to work so hard in my other businesses just to provide the necessities to pay the bills, I could spend more quality time with my daughter on reading, and she could enjoy extracurricular activities, in the end I still get to accomplish more because she sees Mommy and not Daddy making the sacrifices necessary for her to live in a healthy, happy home.
The Moral Obligation of Child Support
Fellow blogger, Wendell Jordan wrote in the case of child support, “The only thing that mattered was that I was doing what I was supposed to do.” He writes that child support is a moral obligation, I see more to it then that based upon why laws are written to require child support. Child support is a contract you make with your soul and all that goes with it including your morals and values as a parent. However, God also gives you free will so you have a choice as to whether your moral character can truly live up to the expectation to provide. Unfortunately, it doesn’t surprise me that my ex-husband is unable to live up to those grand expectations. Yet, child support and visitation are also the laws of man, whereby it is necessary for these laws to create relative order.
Romans 13:1-2 tell us to be in subjection to the superior authorities even as we are to God. further, we are to be in relative subjection to kings and governors as they have their positions due to God’s allowance. (1Peter 2:13-17)
So we have an obligation by the court of law to fulfill our duties. However, my ex thumbs his nose at the law carried about in Texas and in the US. That is the moral dilemma now isn’t it. A country that allowed my ex to become a resident and afford him the same job opportunities and citizens is a country whose laws he feels he doesn’t have to follow by not paying child support. A country that provided cancer treatments to his illegal immigrant father, my ex feels he can thumb his nose up at their laws. Also, a country by which he can sit and wait for his father to die and collect death proceeds all tax free is a country whose laws he feels he can thumb his nose up.
One thing I’ve learned in life, sooner or later, we all have to pay the man
Fortunately for my ex his time will come. His WANT to exercise control over me and his daughter is a delusion he has in his head. We are free spirits and we’ve been happily going through life without him. Like sands in an hourglass she grows taller, more articulate and more curious about the world around her. Her father is becoming less and less of an impact on her life as her world is surrounded by her mother, her brother and sister, her friends, her family and by computers. Her father is an infrequent mention but not a mainstay. That is so sad, and the only person who is at fault for that is my non-existent ex. His unfortunate inability to want to play by the rules will be his own demise.
My last words to my ex
I readily forgive all the hurts and battles you’ve caused out of your own inability to see the light of truth and the sparkle in your daughter’s eyes. Your daughter is not a chess pawn for you to use as a manipulating tool to get your hands on your father’s money. She’s not going to wear your pretend dresses she’s not allowed to take home in order to impress your friends and your girlfriend. She is her own person with her own thoughts and ideas. In the wake of a such a horrible tragedy, I realize all this pettiness is worthless and I will continue to fulfill my moral obligations to my daughter and to forgive you for your inability and unwillingness to follow suit on your own.