When jealousy takes over your relationships


Jealousy and insecurity can wreak havoc on any kind of relationship. These toxic emotions create toxic relationships and can drain you of any chance of living a life you’ve always wanted.

Your life may be full of people who are draining your energy due to an incurable case of jealousy.

How you can tell if your partner has an exreme case of jealousy?

These are a few ways to be tell if your partner has an extreme case of jealousy that could drain you in your relationships.  They will do some or all of the following:

  • Tell you how to dress;
  • Be overly concerned about where you are going when
  • socializing;
  • Insist on escorting you to mundane places;
  • Interfere or veto your social plans;
  • Make excessive phone calls to know your whereabouts;
  • Be intense about everything;
  • Be unable to communicate and discuss anything with
  • you;
  • Put you down and will do anything to make you feel inferior;
  • Have a negative outlook and poor self-esteem/lack of confidence;
  • Be dominant in domestic arrangements;
  • Be aggressive and displays an unreasonable attitude to minor details

One of the hardest thing for women to recognize in a man is to confuse traits like confidence, determination, persistence and ambition with aggressive behavior due to a lack of confidence.  When a man portrays persistence due to insecurity and jealousy it can become a recipe for disaster in the relationship stage.  In the dating stage, this person appears charming and charismatic.  However, once a relationship is established this person begins believing that they will lose their partner since THEY BELIEVE in and of themselves that they don’t deserve to be loved.

Confront the perpetrators of your toxic relationships

In Oprah’s segment, Confront your Toxic Relationships, there are distinct types of people that can drain your energy.  They are:

The Blamer
This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn’t working in his life.

The Drainer
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment.

The Shamer
The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.

The Discounter
This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say.

The Gossip
This person avoids intimacy by talking about other behind their backs.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Confront-Your-Toxic-Relationships/2#ixzz1fPv1SreC

Jealousy is a way to exert control in a relationship

Typically a person that tries to exert control over others has little personal control.  They have toxic relationships with friends and with their families.  The best way to confront your jealous personality is with self confidence, positive thinking and exerting control over your processes.  Your mind is your best asset and your worst liability.

Decide that:
• You are in charge of your mind
• You are in charge of your thoughts, actions and reactions
• You are personally responsible and accountable for all
that you think say and do
When dealing with a jealous partner, you are in control of your actions and reactions.  Slowly but surely a jealous partner will wear you down and you may feel the following:
  • Pain
  • Anger
  • Rage
  • Sadness
  • Resentment
  • Worry
  • Grief
  • Fear
  • Humiliation
  • Envy
Confronting the Jealous Partner
Before you decide to confront the jealous partner, you must decide whether or not the relationship is salvageable.  You may do this a number of ways, but I recommend some of the articles here!  Personally I have found that recharging myself and reconnecting with my goals is a good way to get to the root of me.  Once I do that, I can easily identify those individuals that know or are even aware of my goals and dreams.
Then once I know that, I can pick out those individuals that have the potential to support me and those that I can rule out.  For the supportive partners have a conversation with them that provides constructive feedback and criticism.  This feedback can explain in detail how what they say makes you feel.
The Five Steps to Confronting your Partner
  1. Set the Stage – (Be positive) “Let’s honor/rekindle/reconnect in our relationship and I would like to be truthful/honest/forthright with you ”  I wouldn’t start out saying, “You have a problem/You know what your problem is/what’s your problem”
  2. Explain how you feel – When you do/say _______, It makes me feel ___________
  3. Ask – Would you be willing to stop saying/acting/doing _____________?
  4. Listen – Listen to their response and try to detect or determine sincerity.  A sincere response will be one that appreciates your feelings and your courage to say something.  If the other person objects, shifts blame to you or pokes fun/criticizes you then consider that person a jerk and disassociate yourself or continue a toxic relationship
  5. Summarize and then reaffirm - Repeat their response and acknowledge  you heard them and repeat your concern and consequences.  As an example, “I’m glad you are willing to change your behavior of ________ of/towards me which makes me feel like ____________.  OR if they continue toxic behavior say “I’m sorry that we cannot come to an understanding.  “Since this really impacts my feelings and is very important to me and you seem to disagree, I think continuing this relationship is not a supportive and nurturing environment for me and I have to part ways.”
If you are the perpetrator of jealous behavior
It’s important that you put yourself in check.  Dr. Gail Saltz puts it mildly in Jealousy: Is it the same for Men and Women.  She states that you should examine the following about yourself:
  1. Uncover where those feelings came from in your past and continue to reverberate in your present life.
  2. Examine your self confidence
  3. Stop enabling your partner. If they are jealous, don’t allow them to control your behavior.  Let your partner know that you are not going to operate under lock and key.
  4. Set fair ground rules. Everyone needs friends and interests out side her relationship. Discuss this openly and honestly with your partner and make some compromises about how much time you will spend with him. Don’t sneak around to get your time with friends. This will only make your partner even more suspicious and jealous. The more open and up front you can be, the better.