Happiness isn’t just about big wins, full schedules, or perfectly planned family time. Psychologist and happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky believes the real foundation is simpler than that. She says the core of happiness is feeling loved and genuinely connected to other people. As a professor of psychology at the University of California and a mother of four, she focuses on the kind of everyday moments that quietly build that sense of closeness at home.
One of her biggest suggestions is to help children get comfortable with deep, meaningful conversations. Not the quick check-ins about homework or what they ate at school, but the kind of talk that helps kids feel seen. Lyubomirsky points out that connection is one of the most reliable routes to happiness, and conversation is often the fastest way to get there. The good news is that this is a skill children can learn, just like any other social habit.
Parents can guide that skill by showing kids how to move past small talk in their own friendships. Lyubomirsky encourages children to stay curious about the people around them. That can mean asking friends what they care about, following up with questions, and listening long enough to understand the answer. Simple prompts like “What was the best part of your day?” or “What are you excited about right now?” can slowly train a child’s brain toward openness and empathy, which often strengthens relationships.
The second step she highlights is physical touch, a habit that many families naturally do less as children get older. Lyubomirsky reminds parents that affection still matters well beyond the toddler years. Hugs, hand-holding, a cuddle on the couch, or a warm squeeze on the shoulder can all reinforce the message that a child is safe and valued. She even shares that she sometimes still cuddles with her 24-year-old son, and she believes he enjoys it.
Of course, touch works best when it’s offered with respect, not forced. Some kids want big hugs, others prefer a quick high-five or leaning against you during a movie. The aim is not to cling to old routines, but to keep affection present in a way that fits your child’s personality and boundaries. When warmth and connection become normal in everyday life, kids are more likely to carry that sense of security into friendships, school, and the wider world.
What small rituals help your child feel most connected to you? Share your thoughts in the comments.
