If you’re a single mom, you have to be careful who you date, because at some point, you’re eventually going to bring this man into your child’s life. It is vital that you watch for red flags, poor character traits, and qualities that you wouldn’t want someone teaching to your children. You want to keep your children safe and happy, but you also want to make wise choices for yourself and keep yourself safe and happy. Dating the wrong person can affect you just as much as it can affect your kids. Don’t be blind to the red flags when you’re dating someone new, because you deserve the best experience possible and that means keeping your standards high — rather than lowering your standards or making excuses for someone. Below are 6 red flags a single mom should watch for when dating a new man:
Irritability and impatience are qualities you don’t want in a long-term partner, especially if you have children. If the new man you’re dating has short fuse, you may need to cut him off. Some signs of irritability and impatience are road rage and reckless driving, which are also signs that you can’t rely on him to put safety first. Reckless driving lawyers at Weil and Upton Attorneys at Law remind us that some
signs of reckless driving behavior include “speeding, aggressive driving, failure to yield, and failure to keep control of the vehicle.”
The right man for you will be selfless, helpful, thoughtful and accommodating. He will go out of his way for you and your children, and he’ll be happy to do a favor – not annoyed. This type of accommodating behavior is a character trait you need in a long-term partner. To know whether or not a man is the accommodating type, pay attention to his patterns of behavior and watch how often he does something he probably doesn’t really want to do, as a favor for you. If he tends to be more unaccommodating than accommodating, that’s a trait you should not put up with.
When you’re a single mom, the last thing you want is to date someone lazy. Planning a special date night, helping you with errands, helping you with your kids – all of those things require effort. If a man is the lazy type, he’ll be the stuff of nightmares. Most single moms are not looking for a grown man to babysit, and if your pick turns out to be a lazy man — he is most likely going to prefer to sit on the couch. If the new man you’re dating possesses signs of laziness on a regular basis, that’s a red flag you can’t ignore.
- Financially Instable
It’s not important that you date someone wealthy, but it is important that you date someone financially stable. You need to date someone that has the capacity to own his own game and not rely on you to run it for him. It may be who can pay for dates, help pay for groceries or some other sign of being an adult i.e. is financially stable enough where money isn’t an issue. Frank conversations can eliminate difficult circumstances further down the road. Single moms can’t afford to have another mouth to feed that can manage his own — you are not his mother or his babysitter. It does not make logical sense to pay for everything when you are dating/ vetting someone new, or have a broke guy mooch off of them. You and your kids will suffer if your new relationship hurts you financially, which it will if you have to pay for most things due to your new man being financially unstable.
Most single moms are busy, and their focus is on a million different things. They have to focus on their kids, household tasks, their job, and their friends. A needy man isn’t the type of man you can be with if you’re a busy single mom. You need your man to have his own life, his own hobbies, his own friends and his own responsibilities to attend to. Even if he doesn’t have children of his own he needs to focus on, it’s crucial that he has a life of his own, plenty of other things to focus on so that he’s not too needy with you.
One thing’s for sure about being a single mom: it’s not easy. Some days you’ll be very stressed out, upset, overwhelmed or even simply busy. There will be days you won’t be able to attend to your new man’s needs or wants, and he’ll have to be empathetic. You need to date a man who can put himself in your shoes, and both understand and consider your feelings instead of being demanding. Empathy, at minimum the ability to be, will help him put less pressure on you, and instead ask how he can help. You’ll know someone you’re dating is unempathetic if they hear about how horrible or stressful your day was, but they choose to throw and adult temper tantrum, still get mad at you about being late – or they still be mad or resentful for something else. It’s when they can’t understand the path that you are on, what you’ve been through, so they add to your stress instead of take away from it. If someone you’re newly dating seems to be the unempathetic type, you can’t minimize how serious of a red flag that is. You deserve better.