We all like the idea that our relationships will last forever. We want to find a wonderful person to spend our lives with. But then why do we have this notion in our minds when we know that so many people cheat and separate?
Many intellectuals put it down to the romantic revolution – a relatively new set of ideas that emerged in the 18th century. Romance took a positive view of love and said that people could be together for their entire lives, working through problems.
However, the roots of the idea that we should have one person forever probably go deeper than the culture alone. We want to believe that we have what it takes to be in a relationship for decades at a time. It is a part of our higher values. We feel that once we attach to somebody, we have a duty to them, as they have one for us. Getting married is one sign that you’re always there to support that person, no matter what happens. It’s a willing sacrifice and combining of lives.
While any relationship is challenging, you want to make sure that the one that you have will last from the outset. Here are some signs that your relationship is off to a good start.
You Feel Comfortable Being Yourself Around The Other Person
If you feel like you can be yourself and you don’t have to put on a front, then that is one of the best signs that you are with the right person. In a relationship, you need to be free to be yourself, otherwise you will always feel trapped. You will also constantly have to modify your personality, which is only something you can do short-term.
Don’t blame the other person if they don’t accept you. It is important that they get what they want as well – otherwise, they will be unhappy too. Instead, either agree to work through the problems or leave the relationship. In most cases, you cannot be someone you’re not.
You Support Each Other
When people are truly in a healthy relationship, they always support each other. It isn’t one-sided. Both people do whatever they can to help the other person because they genuinely care about their lives.
In many cases, one person is the primary caregiver and then the other person is the receiver. Over time, the person receiving the care forgets all about the needs of their partner. It becomes all about them and their needs.
This type of setup can work in the short-term, but over longer periods, it can’t last. Even if the care-giving person stays, the relationship becomes a chore for them. Furthermore, they can’t talk about their needs, making it much more likely that they will leave.
You Celebrate Each Other’s Accomplishments
Celebrating accomplishments is a good practice for life in general. That’s because it lowers stress hormones and makes you feel more at ease in your own life.
However, it is also important in relationships. When one partner achieves something, the other person should be thrilled for them. If they are not, it could be a sign of jealousy – something that could undermine the entire relationship enterprise.
The best advice is to be enthusiastic about each other and what you’ve achieved. Don’t let insecurities enter.
You Communicate Well
Many people enter divorce mediation because there is a breakdown in communication. People feel hurt and need other parties to help them navigate this difficult period of their lives. Usually this occurs because people haven’t admitted fault when they were wrong.
Admitting that you were wrong is actually much easier than you think, so long as you do it for the small things in the beginning. You want to say you’re sorry immediately if you do something that hurts the other person, even if it isn’t deliberate. You then have to trust them not to use your apology as an excuse to fight with you more.
You Listen To Each Other
Successful relationships require that both people listen to each other. They make eye contact and don’t try to force their own opinions into the conversation. They don’t scroll through their social media while saying “mmm” and “yes, i agree.”
Really listening to somebody is actually one of the best ways to meet their needs. In close romantic relationships, people want to be “heard.” They find it satisfying when somebody takes the time to truly learn about them in detail.
You Share Common Values And Goals
Sharing common values and goals is another big sign that your relationship is going to last. You can have compatible personalities, but if you want different things in life, that will cause perpetual frustration.
Some important common goals and values include finances, whether you can have partners outside of the relationship, children, diet and lifestyle, and religion. If these do not match well – or at all – then the relationship probably won’t last.
You Like To Go On Adventures Together
Many people want to live as safely as possible – and that’s fine. But to really sustain a relationship, you need to escape the monotony and go on adventures. Mixing things up from time to time keeps it interesting. Your relationship becomes more fun and you enjoy more good times together.
As a couple, it is critical to have an enjoyable time together. Research shows that people are happiest when they have positive experiences with each other. They are least happy when every day seems the same.
You Open Up To Each Other
It is sometimes difficult for people to open up to each other. Talking about the past is tough, especially if you’ve been to prison, had addictions or been reckless with money. However, it is a good sign if you can talk about these things with your partner. If they can cope with knowing about your past and still want to be with you, that’s a major hurdle you can both overcome.