A 34-year-old mother of two, expecting her third child, turned to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for planning to leave the family dogs with her mother-in-law during labor while arranging for friends to care for her children. She explained that she loves her mother-in-law and has no intention of hurting her, yet she worries about returning home from the hospital to unnecessary stress and disorder. The mother-in-law tends to be overly permissive with the grandchildren, often ignoring established routines and letting things slide. Distance, an ungated pool at her home, and a general reluctance to follow the family’s house rules added to the expectant mother’s concerns.
The situation grew complicated because the mother-in-law had assumed she would watch the children without any prior discussion. She began telling others about her role, and the couple only learned of her expectations through third parties. The pregnant woman felt caught off guard and preferred to rely on close friends who live nearby and already know the children’s schedules well. To keep her mother-in-law involved without creating chaos, she proposed having her care for the dogs, a task she had handled successfully before.
Online reactions quickly split. More than 500 commenters weighed in, with many arguing that the plan, however practical, would likely deliver a painful message. One user pointed out that asking the grandmother to watch pets but not her own grandchildren could feel like a statement of distrust in her ability to care for family. “I understand you want reliable people with the children, but if you call your mother-in-law for the dogs and not for the grandchildren, it comes across like you trust her with pets but not with your own family,” the commenter wrote. Another added, “Honestly, it’s hard to believe grandma won’t be offended by the sentence: ‘You can watch my dogs, but not my grandchildren.’”
Some Redditors suggested simpler alternatives to avoid drama altogether. Friends could take both the children and the dogs, or the family could hire a professional pet sitter. Others acknowledged the pregnant woman’s valid concerns about routines and safety but warned that family relationships often require compromise over strict preferences. The debate highlighted how quickly practical parenting decisions can turn into emotional battlegrounds when grandparents are involved.
Childbirth experts stress the importance of lining up dependable help well in advance, especially for families with older siblings. Sarah Bradley, a writer for BabyCenter, recommends choosing caregivers who are close by and familiar with the children’s needs so they can respond quickly, even in the middle of the night. Friends or trusted sitters often fit this description better than relatives who live farther away. Clear backup plans reduce anxiety for parents already facing the unpredictability of labor and delivery.
Family dynamics experts note that tensions around grandparent roles are extremely common. Psychologist Ted Lowe from All Pro Dad explains that every family has established rhythms, and new babies naturally disrupt them. “Families function that way – everyone has their role and their rhythm. When someone new appears or the dynamic changes, it takes time for everything to settle again,” he says, quoting a common observation among counselors. Offering grandparents meaningful ways to contribute, even if not primary childcare, can help maintain connection rather than breed resentment.
WIBTA if I ask MIL to watch our dogs while I give birth, but not our kids?
byu/JHsquared inAmItheAsshole
Many new parents face similar dilemmas when balancing their preferred parenting style with the expectations of eager grandparents. Open conversations early in pregnancy often prevent misunderstandings that escalate closer to delivery. Setting gentle boundaries while still expressing appreciation tends to preserve relationships better than surprises. In this case, the pregnant woman’s attempt at inclusion through dog-sitting shows an effort to find middle ground, though not everyone agreed it would land softly.
Grandparent involvement has evolved over generations. Modern families frequently navigate differing views on discipline, screen time, diet, and safety that did not exist decades ago. Studies consistently show that grandparents who feel valued and included report higher satisfaction in their roles, while exclusion can lead to lasting hurt. At the same time, parents retain the final say on what feels best for their children’s well-being, especially during vulnerable postpartum periods when routines provide crucial stability.
Preparing for a new baby while managing existing children requires thoughtful logistics for most households. Hospitals typically keep mothers for one to two days after vaginal births and longer after cesareans, meaning reliable care must cover multiple nights. Many parents create detailed schedules, emergency contacts, and even written instructions to ensure consistency no matter who steps in. Communication remains the most recommended tool across parenting resources for smoothing these transitions.
Would you ask a grandparent to watch pets instead of grandchildren to avoid conflict, or do you see another way to handle this delicate situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.
