Family estrangement is more common than many people want to believe, and it rarely comes out of nowhere. For some adult children, distance follows years of unresolved trauma, toxic patterns at home, or repeated boundary violations that never seem to stop. The parent child relationship is often a person’s first and most formative bond, which is why breaking it can feel both devastating and necessary. Mental health experts emphasize that understanding your feelings, setting limits, and protecting your well being matter when a relationship becomes harmful.
Even famous families deal with these fractures in public, sometimes in uncomfortable detail. On January 19, 2026, Brooklyn Beckham described distancing himself from his parents, retired soccer star David Beckham and former Spice Girls member Victoria Beckham. In one post he wrote, “My parents controlled me for most of my life. I grew up with overwhelming anxiety. For the first time in my life, since I stepped away from my family, that anxiety has disappeared.” He also added, “My wife has consistently been disrespected by my family, no matter how hard we tried to unite as one.”
Brooklyn Beckham ended with a blunt statement that captured why some people choose a clean break. “I do not want to reconcile with my family. They do not control me, and for the first time in my life I am standing up for myself,” he said. Stories like this can sound extreme, but they echo conflicts that play out quietly in everyday households. The key difference is that most families go through it away from cameras and comment sections. The pain, however, can be just as real.
High profile examples are not proof of how often estrangement happens, but there are data points that suggest it is not rare. A YouGov study found that more than a quarter of Americans are estranged from an immediate family member, and 11 percent are estranged from a parent. The same survey reported higher rates among men, adults ages 30 to 44, and people in the LGBTQIA plus community. Psychologist Catherine Nobile, who works in New York City, put it this way, “While exact statistics are hard to determine, it is not uncommon for young adults to consider completely cutting off a parent after a rupture in the relationship.”
So what pushes someone to that edge. Carly Harris, program director for families of young adults at Newport Healthcare, says early experiences can leave deep marks that do not fade just because a child grows older. She explains, “Children may feel the need to cut ties with a parent due to certain early childhood experiences that may have included trauma, poor communication, or unhealthy family dynamics.” Harris also notes that these experiences can build frustration and resentment over time, especially when attempts to repair the bond go nowhere. “If a child feels they have tried everything they can to improve the relationship and still see no progress, they may decide to cut off the relationship entirely,” she says.
Adulthood can also change the power balance in a way that forces conflict into the open. As young adults gain independence, they form their own values, build new partnerships, and decide how much influence their family will have. Nobile says, “As they enter adulthood, they often become more confrontational about conflicts, especially if there are already long standing tensions.” When values clash and old wounds stay unaddressed, distance can start to feel like the only route to peace. For some, it is not about punishment, but about survival.
The internet has added a new vocabulary to these conversations, and not all of it is used carefully. Terms like toxic, narcissistic, and gaslighting get thrown around on social media, including TikTok, sometimes as labels and sometimes as warnings. Licensed marriage and family therapist Jeanie Y. Chang acknowledges that harmful family relationships do exist, saying, “Yes, family members, unfortunately, can be toxic.” Psychologist Joel Frank lists patterns like manipulation through guilt, constant criticism, lack of empathy, controlling behavior, emotional unavailability, gaslighting, favoritism, repeated boundary breaking, and invasions of privacy. Over time, those behaviors can crush confidence and independence, and they can leave a person feeling unseen even in their own family.
Cutting off contact may be one option, but experts stress that coping often starts with validating your own experience. Licensed psychologist Holly Schiff says, “If you have a toxic parent, it is important to acknowledge your feelings.” Harris adds that guilt, sadness, and anger are common in this process, and that working through them can be part of healing. “Working through this can be part of your healing journey,” she says, especially for people who spent years feeling dismissed. In practice, that can mean learning to trust your internal signals again, even if your family taught you not to.
Support matters because estrangement can be isolating, even when it is the right decision. Schiff encourages people to reach out rather than disappear into shame or secrecy. “Seek support from others, like friends, family members, or a support group,” she advises. She also suggests therapy to explore emotions, build coping strategies, and strengthen self care. Having even one stable person who believes you can change everything about how heavy this feels.
Self care is not a buzzword here, it is often what keeps someone steady through family turmoil. Harris emphasizes that it is easy to fixate on the parent child dynamic until your own needs vanish. She says, “Engaging in activities that support your mental and emotional health, like physical activity, can help you figure out how to move forward in a way that prioritizes your well being.” She also adds, “Most importantly, focus on what you can control.” That might look like sleeping consistently, building routines, or limiting exposure to conversations that spiral into blame.
Boundaries can be a middle path for people who are not ready for total separation, or for those who want to try one last reset. Frank explains that a clear boundary can protect you while also giving the other person a fair chance to change. He offers an example of how an adult child might speak up, “I value our relationship, but I need you to respect my decisions. If that does not happen, I will need to step back from the conversation.” Frank also points out that reducing contact can lower the emotional temperature, saying, “Reducing interactions can minimize exposure to toxic behavior, allowing a person to maintain their mental health.” In some cases, a person might switch from daily calls to once a week and communicate that change directly.
There is no universal rule for when estrangement is the healthiest choice, and experts repeatedly call it a personal decision. Harris says, “The decision about whether to cut ties or set boundaries with a toxic parent is a deeply personal decision, and it often involves weighing various factors.” Chang notes that some people can also choose a form of emotional distance rather than constant battles. “Sometimes I have advised my clients to become emotionally estranged from family members if I feel it is best for their mental health,” she says. She describes emotional estrangement as exactly what it sounds like, and it can include physical distance or separation when needed.
It can help to know that family estrangement is not a modern invention, even if social media makes it feel newly visible. In family systems theory, relationships are seen as interconnected, which means one person’s shift in boundaries can reshape the whole system. Attachment theory is often used to explain why early caregiving patterns influence adult relationships, including what feels safe, what feels threatening, and what triggers anxiety. Many people who step back from a parent are trying to end generational cycles, whether that cycle is criticism, control, neglect, or emotional volatility. If you are navigating this, keep in mind that healing is rarely one dramatic moment, and more often a series of small choices that protect your peace.
If you have experienced family estrangement or are considering new boundaries, share what helped you most and what you wish you had known earlier in the comments.
