I often see parents melting with affection when their little ones try to cheer them up after a long day. It is undeniably heartwarming to see a five-year-old offer a hug or a silly dance just to make “mommy or daddy happy” again.
However, counselor Jaclyn Williams suggests that this seemingly innocent behavior might actually be a red flag. In a recent video, she explained that while this trait looks adorable in toddlers, it can evolve into a significant burden as they grow into adolescence.
According to Williams, the problem arises when children begin to feel responsible for regulating their parents’ emotions. What starts as a sweet gesture can eventually manifest as panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of duty to fix everyone else’s feelings.
Children should not feel obligated to act as emotional regulators for the adults in their lives. Williams points out that we often mistake this behavior for high empathy, thinking, “They are so sweet and sensitive,” when they are actually working hard to manage our internal state.
To prevent this role reversal, Williams suggests a specific change in how parents respond to their children’s comfort. If a child says, “Don’t be sad, Mom,” she advises against simply accepting the comfort and unburdening yourself to them.
Instead, a healthier response would be: “I have some ‘grown-up’ feelings right now, but I am handling them. This isn’t your job to fix. Thank you for caring, that is really sweet, but I am okay. How are you?”
The goal is to ensure adults process their emotions with other adults, rather than letting children take on the role of “little therapists.” This boundary helps protect them from developing unhealthy emotional patterns later in life.
Have you ever noticed this dynamic in your own family or with friends? Let us know what you think in the comments.
