Public tantrums can leave parents feeling exposed and overwhelmed. The stares from strangers often amplify the stress and make everything feel more intense. Yet parenting expert Devon Kuntzman views these challenging moments differently. As a mother, former nanny, and author, she believes tantrums offer a chance to connect more deeply with your child and help them navigate big feelings.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is letting their own emotions take over. When frustration or embarrassment rises, it is easy to react in ways that unintentionally escalate the situation. Staying composed is not about being perfect. It simply means recognizing that your calm presence gives your child the best chance to settle down.
Finding a quieter spot helps everyone breathe a little easier. If you are in a store, step into a less crowded aisle or even the restroom for a moment. Safety comes first, so make sure your child is not in danger. Once that is clear, take a slow breath and remind yourself that this moment will pass.
Respecting your child’s need for space is another key step many parents overlook. Some kids want a hug during a meltdown, while others feel overwhelmed by touch. Watch their cues carefully. If they lash out physically, avoid grabbing their hands, as that can feel like more restriction and intensify the distress. Instead, gently place a bag or pillow between you to create a soft boundary.
Clear, simple communication goes a long way when emotions are high. Calmly name unsafe behavior without anger, such as saying you cannot allow hitting. At the same time, let your child know you see how hard this is for them. Short phrases like I am right here or This feels really big right now show empathy without overwhelming them.
Offering small choices once they begin to calm helps restore a sense of control. Ask if they would rather hold your hand or ride in the cart. Simple options within clear limits shift the focus forward. These choices also reinforce that you are on the same team.
Onlookers will almost always appear during public meltdowns. Their curiosity can feel like judgment, but it rarely reflects your parenting skill. Remind yourself that your child’s behavior is about their current struggle, not a deliberate performance. If the stares become too much, a quiet phrase like I am doing my best can diffuse tension, or you can simply focus on your child.
Sometimes the kindest choice is to pause whatever you are doing and leave the situation temporarily. Step outside or sit in the car for a few minutes. This gives both of you space to regroup. Everyone is doing the best they can in that moment, including you.
Devon Kuntzman’s approach turns difficult tantrums into opportunities for growth. By staying steady, honoring boundaries, communicating kindly, and managing your own reactions, you model emotional regulation for your child. Over time, these experiences build trust and resilience for both of you.
What strategies have worked best for you during your child’s tough moments? Share your thoughts in the comments.
