Sexual preferences will always spark debate, and it’s widely known that men tend to dislike the cowgirl position while many women aren’t fans of the reverse version. Yet there is one position where both sexes seem to land on the same side of the fence, and it’s not a positive verdict. A growing number of people are speaking out about it, and the reasoning behind their discomfort turns out to be strikingly similar regardless of gender.
That position is 69, and the core complaint is the same for almost everyone who dislikes it: having to do two things at once is simply too distracting to enjoy either one. Reddit threads on the subject have drawn responses from both men and women who’ve shared their frustrations openly and honestly. One 28-year-old man summed it up this way: “I’m not a fan. I love giving pleasure and I love receiving it, but in the 69 position I can barely enjoy either. I don’t like having someone’s crotch in my face while I’m receiving… and oral sex becomes too much while I’m trying to please someone.” Another user offered a relatable analogy: “It’s like two people massaging each other at the same time. To relax and enjoy it, it’s better to take turns.”
Several men also noted that neither they nor their partners ever actually reached climax during the position. “The problem is that you’re both giving and receiving pleasure at the same time,” one user wrote. “While you’re giving, it’s hard to focus, and while you’re receiving, you can’t relax. It’s one of the worst positions ever.” The recurring theme was that the simultaneous nature of 69 undermines the very thing it’s supposed to deliver, leaving both people half-satisfied rather than fully present.
Women largely echoed the same frustrations. “I can’t enjoy oral sex if I can’t fully focus on every subtle movement and feel it completely,” one woman explained. “Otherwise it just feels like some uncomfortable tickling. And when there’s a penis in my face, I can barely feel anything else. The whole thing is too demanding and invasive. It all ends up being unpleasant oral sex with someone tickling me and expecting me to enjoy it.” A study conducted on more than 2,000 women by Seduced AI found that 29 percent of female respondents considered 69 to be the most uncomfortable sexual position. The main reason cited was divided attention, with women feeling they couldn’t fully experience either giving or receiving, leaving them frustrated and less satisfied. One woman put it bluntly: “It’s supposed to be double the pleasure, and it ends up being neither.”
Some women also pointed to an additional layer of discomfort that men don’t face in the same way: a feeling of being overly exposed. “There’s nothing appealing about it to me, and I’d feel very insecure,” one woman admitted. Another added that the angle itself is awkward in a way that goes beyond preference, saying the physical proximity of certain body parts made the experience feel far from enjoyable. This sense of vulnerability combined with the distraction factor creates a particularly challenging combination for many women.
Sexologist and author Gigi Engle, speaking to Metro, offered a professional take on why the position divides people so sharply. “No position works for everyone, but opinions on 69 are extremely split — people either love it or hate it,” she said. “In my experience, most people don’t like it,” she added, explaining that the position demands too much effort and makes it nearly impossible to stay focused. She also pointed out that performing oral sex on a man can be physically taxing and tiring on the jaw, while women in particular struggle to let go and enjoy themselves when they’re simultaneously expected to be giving pleasure. Engle did note, however, that the position can work well when approached without pressure or a goal-oriented mindset: “Not everything has to be about orgasm. The point is the shared experience and intimacy.”
That said, not everyone feels negatively about it. One woman, speaking in Metro’s “How I Do It” column, revealed that 69 has actually become her and her partner’s go-to for their most passionate moments. “Today it’s our position for the most intense moments. We always finish together, and my orgasms are more intense and more frequent,” she said, adding that while they may have less penetrative sex than before, their intimate moments have become richer overall. It’s a reminder that sexual compatibility and personal preference vary enormously from person to person.
As a general note, the 69 position gets its name from the visual resemblance the number 69 has to two people lying head-to-toe facing each other, which is the physical arrangement the position requires. It has been referenced in popular culture, sex education, and relationship discussions for decades, and remains one of the most talked-about sexual positions precisely because reactions to it tend to be so polarized. Sex therapists and researchers have long emphasized that there is no universally “correct” way to experience intimacy, and that communication between partners about comfort and preferences is far more valuable than trying to match any particular cultural norm or expectation. As Gigi Engle put it simply: “A hundred people, a hundred tastes.”
Feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences with this topic in the comments.
