It’s easy to assume the pressure of a dinner party comes from the people who show up, but event pros say the awkward moments usually start with the host. The most well-meaning hosts can accidentally create tension through habits that feel harmless in the moment. According to organizers and etiquette experts, a few small choices can make guests feel watched, rushed, or put on the spot. The good news is that these missteps are surprisingly simple to avoid.
One of the biggest issues is overdoing the “perfect” concept. Michelle Durpetti, a planner and the owner behind a hospitality business, has said that when hosts get too locked into a theme, they can forget the point of the night, the people. Olivia Pollock, who focuses on etiquette and hosting, also warns against running gatherings like a tight schedule and constantly checking on everyone. Guests don’t want to feel supervised, and they usually will speak up if they need something. A relaxed host sets the tone faster than any tablescape ever could.
Another common problem is leaving the ending vague. Annemarie Schumacher, founder of Make Every Day an Event, points out that unclear finish times can make guests second-guess when it’s appropriate to leave, or they may linger longer than anyone intended. A simple “from 7 to 10” on the invitation can prevent those uncomfortable glances at the clock. It’s kinder to everyone, including the host, and it protects the night’s energy.
Seating can also backfire, especially at larger events. Some hosts split couples to spark conversation, but Schumacher notes many couples see formal outings as rare time together and actually want to sit side by side. If the goal is warmth, forcing separation can do the opposite and make people feel unsettled. It’s also worth avoiding activities that corner guests, like mandatory games or surprise prompts to share personal feelings. Pollock and Durpetti have both emphasized that not everyone enjoys performing for a group, so participation should feel optional, not required.
Drinks and food etiquette matter more than hosts realize. Offering only alcohol can feel exclusionary, and Schumacher is blunt that it comes across as impolite, so have nonalcoholic choices that feel just as intentional. Durpetti also cautions against calling attention to someone’s dietary needs in front of others, even if it’s meant kindly, because it can embarrass them. And perhaps the most relatable mistake is apologizing for your home or decor, since Pollock notes guests notice far less than you think and don’t want to spend the night reassuring you. They came for connection, not a home inspection.
What hosting habits do you think matter most, and which ones feel overrated? Share your thoughts in the comments.
