Have you ever found yourself completely fixated on someone you barely know? It might feel like love at first sight, but there is a good chance something else entirely is going on. According to Self, there is a fascinating psychological phenomenon where a person becomes obsessed not with who someone actually is, but with the idea of who they could be. You are not falling for them as a real individual, but rather chasing a version of them that exists only in your imagination.
This kind of emotional dependency can be easy to confuse with genuine romantic feelings, especially in the early stages of getting to know someone. The intensity can feel identical to love, which is exactly what makes it so tricky to identify. The key difference lies in what you are actually drawn to, whether it is the real person in front of you or simply the fantasy you have built around them. Self has outlined five warning signs that can help you figure out which one it truly is.
The first sign is that you are putting them on a pedestal. You do not have enough real information about this person to form a complete picture, so your brain fills in the gaps with fiction. You paint them as the perfect partner and assume they fit exactly into the relationship you have been dreaming of. When someone becomes flawless in your eyes before you even know them well, that is a strong indicator you are more in love with an idea than a person.
The second sign is that you are thriving on the chase itself. They send you mixed signals, you cannot tell if they like you, and somehow that uncertainty keeps you more interested, not less. True love develops through mutual attention and genuine connection, but in this type of dynamic, the person becomes more appealing the more unavailable they are. The moment you actually win them over, the excitement fades and the interest disappears, which reveals that the chase was always the real attraction.
The third sign is that you are seeking stimulation, not a real relationship. You were bored, and this person offered drama and excitement at just the right moment. Their personality or values were never really what drew you in. It was the thrill of the pursuit that hooked you, and deep down, you may not even want them as a genuine partner, just someone to make life feel a little less flat for a while.
The fourth sign is that your entire mood depends on their behavior. Every relationship has moments where a crush affects how you feel, but when one person becomes the sole controller of your emotional state, that is a red flag. If their cold response sends you spiraling and their attention sends you soaring, and nothing else in your life seems to matter in comparison, that level of dependence is more consistent with addiction than with love.
The fifth and final sign is that you cannot focus on anything else. They dominate your thoughts around the clock even though you barely know them. They have become the center of your world, and your mind keeps circling back to them regardless of how little foundation actually exists between you. This kind of all-consuming fixation, especially in its early stages, is rarely a sign of deep love and is much more likely a sign of emotional overdependence.
It is worth knowing that what many people experience in these situations is sometimes described by psychologists as limerence, a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book ‘Love and Limerence.’ Limerence involves intrusive thinking about another person, a desperate need for them to return your feelings, and extreme emotional highs and lows based on their actions. Unlike love, which tends to deepen with familiarity and time, limerence often weakens once the mystery is gone or the chase ends. Healthy love, on the other hand, is built on genuine knowledge of the other person, shared experiences, and mutual emotional investment. Being aware of the difference between these two states can save you from pursuing connections that were never really about the other person at all.
Share your thoughts in the comments and let us know if you have ever been through something like this.
