Most parents would do just about anything to shield their kids from worry and pain. While that’s not always possible, the words we use during a child’s most anxious moments can make a lasting difference in how safe and supported they feel. Anxiety is a natural part of growing up, and children are still learning how to cope with it. Research shows that emotional connection is the most powerful tool a parent has, because when a child is scared or overwhelmed, feelings take the wheel.
One of the most grounding things a parent can say is simply “I can see that you’re scared.” There’s no single solution for childhood anxiety because every child fears something different. Younger kids often worry about separation from their parents or unfamiliar sounds, while a study of children between the ages of 9 and 13 found that as many as 86 percent were most concerned about the health of someone they love, followed closely by school and the future. Naming what you observe gives your child a chance to confirm it or correct it, and from there, you can work through it together.
Equally important is telling a child “I know this is hard for you.” Worry is exhausting, and validating that experience makes a child far more likely to open up. According to YourTango, a certain amount of anxiety can actually be useful since it motivates preparation and action. Problems arise only when worry becomes so consuming that it starts to interfere with everyday life. Letting kids know their feelings are real and allowed is the first step toward helping them manage those feelings productively.
Physical comfort matters just as much as words. Asking “Would you like a hug?” and following through when the answer is yes can reduce tension in a child’s body and make space for clearer thinking. Alongside that, teaching children to breathe slowly and deeply is one of the most portable tools they can carry into any situation. Phrases like “calm down” or “everything will be fine” often fall flat when a child is in full panic mode, but guiding them through a slow breath in through the nose and a longer exhale out can bring them back to the present moment almost anywhere.
Psychologist Sharon Saline has noted that children without self-regulation strategies can quickly spiral from worry into panic or complete shutdown, but when they learn to process anxious thoughts and draw on past successes, they become much better at tolerating uncertainty. One way to build that skill is to work with a child during a calm moment to describe their “safe place,” whether that’s a grandparent’s backyard, a favorite beach, or their own bedroom, and encourage them to visit that mental image whenever anxiety creeps in. Another approach is asking “What does your heart say, and what does your head say?” which helps kids recognize both their emotions and the facts of a situation, and teaches them that they can choose to be guided by evidence rather than fear.
Asking “What’s the worst that could actually happen?” is another phrase that helps put worries into perspective. If the worst outcome is not making the soccer team, a parent can gently explore how bad that would really be, what the child could do next, and what they might learn from it. Pairing that question with “What’s most likely to happen?” tends to shrink catastrophic thinking considerably. Similarly, inviting a child to think about how their hero or role model would handle a tough situation taps into something they already admire. Psychologist Susan Manser adds that visualization helps too, specifically imagining yourself stepping slightly outside of your feelings and watching them from a small distance, which can make even big emotions feel more manageable.
Family counselor Kathryn Brown Ramsperger offers a reminder that stays with many parents: “Let them make their own decisions and their own mistakes. Only step in when you believe they are in physical or psychological danger, not for every wrong step.” Telling a child “Do your best” reinforces that effort is what counts, not perfection. And asking “How would you rather feel?” can be surprisingly powerful. One parent shared that when her daughter kept repeating how scared she was before a blood draw, simply asking that question led her daughter to say “brave,” and saying that word aloud helped her feel it.
Finally, “This too shall pass” and “I love you” are perhaps the simplest and most enduring phrases a parent can offer. Children can feel as though anxiety will never end, so reminding them of moments they have already survived helps them see that this one will pass too. Telling them you love them wraps all of it in security. It is also worth noting that one of the most effective things a parent can do for an anxious child is work on their own calm, because children observe and absorb far more than we often realize.
From a broader perspective, childhood anxiety is one of the most common mental health challenges among young people today. According to the American Psychological Association, anxiety disorders affect roughly 7 percent of children between the ages of 3 and 17 in the United States each year. Emotional attunement, which refers to a caregiver’s ability to recognize and respond to a child’s feelings, has been extensively studied as a key factor in secure attachment. Secure attachment, first described by psychologist John Bowlby, is associated with better emotional regulation, stronger relationships, and greater resilience throughout a person’s life. Experts in child development broadly agree that authoritative parenting, which combines warmth with appropriate boundaries, produces the best long-term outcomes for children’s mental health.
If any of these phrases resonate with you or you have words of your own that have helped your child through a tough moment, share them in the comments.
