Arguments are never fun, but fighting with someone who needs control can feel like walking into a maze with no exit. Conversations that should be about solving a problem suddenly become exhausting, confusing, and oddly personal. Still, it’s worth remembering that one bad interaction doesn’t automatically mean someone is a narcissist. Specialists note that true narcissistic personality disorder is relatively uncommon, even though plenty of people can show self-centered or empathy-light behavior from time to time.
Psychologist Justine Grosso describes narcissism as a spectrum that can range from healthy confidence to more harmful, pathological traits. In heated moments, those traits can show up as a set of familiar lines that derail the discussion and leave you questioning yourself. One of the most common is a quick dismissal like “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive.” Social worker Monica Cwynar explains that this kind of phrasing shifts the focus away from their behavior and onto your emotional response, making you look like the problem.
Another favorite tactic is turning their own emotions into yours. You might hear something like, “I’m not angry, you are,” even as they’re raising their voice or throwing insults. Grosso points to projection as a defense mechanism where someone denies what they feel by assigning it to the other person. The result is a surreal exchange where you’re pushed to defend an emotion you weren’t even having five minutes ago.
Then there’s the martyr move, the dramatic “So I’m always the bad guy” or “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.” Even when they’ve clearly crossed a line, they reposition themselves as the victim. Cwynar notes that this posture can pull attention and sympathy toward them while quietly placing guilt on you, which keeps the power dynamic tilted in their favor.
You may also run into emotional bargaining that sounds romantic but plays like a trap. “If you loved me, you’d do this” is designed to make your boundaries feel like betrayal. In more extreme versions, it can include frightening ultimatums meant to corner you into compliance. Another control move is the expectation of mind-reading, like “You should have known I was upset,” which trains you to stay on edge and constantly anticipate a mood shift.
Therapist Riaz points out that with people who rely on these patterns, arguments rarely end in negotiation or compromise because winning matters more than resolving. If you’re dealing with this, support and self-protection come first, whether that means therapy, trusted friends, firm boundaries, or limiting contact when possible. Understanding why someone behaves this way can offer clarity, but it doesn’t erase the impact on your wellbeing.
Have you heard any of these phrases in real life, and how do you handle them? Share your thoughts in the comments.
