A 38-year-old woman sparked a wide online discussion after sharing her story on Reddit, revealing that her husband had confessed to a two-year affair years earlier but deliberately withheld a piece of information that she considers absolutely essential. She only learned the full truth after they had already gotten married and welcomed a child together, and the revelation has left her questioning whether she ever should have said “I do” in the first place. The couple, who live in India, are now in couples therapy as she tries to work through a betrayal that feels both old and brand new at the same time. She has also started taking antidepressants since uncovering the complete picture.
In her Reddit post, the woman explained that she married her now 37-year-old husband in 2021, after he told her he had carried on an affair with a married woman from 2018 to 2020. He also disclosed at the time that the woman had become pregnant and miscarried. What he mentioned only in passing was a “close colleague and friend” based in the US with whom he occasionally collaborated on work matters. “He told me it was all over,” she wrote, describing how he had brought up this colleague almost as an afterthought.
Everything changed in 2023, when her daughter was just five months old. “I found a photo from 2020 of him in bed with that colleague,” she wrote. “That’s when I realized the truth. The woman he had the affair with, who got pregnant and miscarried, and the colleague he still works with were the same person.” The husband’s justification was that he had never technically lied because he did admit to the affair. His position, as she described it, was that “he didn’t lie, he just didn’t tell me everything.” She rejected this framing entirely, writing that the identity of the affair partner was the most critical piece of information of all.
She pointed out that both of them work for the same company, and that the woman from the affair still travels periodically to India, where the couple resides. “He claims their contact is now strictly professional and that he tells me when they have meetings,” she explained. “But the fact that she’s still part of his world constantly reopens old wounds.” She told Reddit users that if she had known from the beginning that the affair partner would remain a fixture in his professional life, she likely would never have agreed to marry him or have a child with him. “I feel like my right to make an informed decision was taken away from me,” she wrote.
The reactions from other Reddit users were largely unsympathetic toward the husband. “He knew the identity would be a problem and withheld it anyway,” one commenter wrote. “Lying by omission is still lying. As long as they’re colleagues who work and travel together, you’ll never fully trust him.” Another user shared a personal warning from experience: “Cheaters cheat again, it’s not a one-time mistake. You’ll never fully trust him again and it will eat at you for a long time. I stayed with a cheater myself and was cheated on again, and things only got worse over time.” A third commenter was even more direct: “Why would you marry someone who cheated for two years? He clearly doesn’t love you. He’s not sorry, he’s just upset you found out. He thought he got away with it. Find your self-respect and leave.”
Infidelity research consistently shows that one of the biggest obstacles to rebuilding trust after an affair is not the affair itself but the incomplete or staggered disclosure that often follows it. Relationship therapists commonly refer to this as “trickle truth,” a pattern where the unfaithful partner reveals information in small doses over time rather than all at once, which tends to cause repeated cycles of trauma for the betrayed partner. Studies suggest that couples who pursue therapy after infidelity have a moderate chance of rebuilding the relationship, but the outcome is significantly influenced by the sincerity and completeness of the offending partner’s honesty, as well as the ability to establish clear boundaries around any ongoing contact with the affair partner.
If you’ve ever faced a situation where someone you trusted withheld a truth that would have changed everything, share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
