A mom of two in Arizona has sparked a heated online conversation with a blunt take on modern parenting. Lisa Koerner, 37, shared a TikTok video that quickly drew millions of views after she argued that fathers should be able to care for their kids without step by step instructions. Her point was simple and sharp, if a parent needs a three page guide just to get through the day with their own children, the issue is bigger than forgetfulness.
In her post, Koerner challenged viewers to push back in the comments, insisting that basic childcare should not be treated like a special skill set reserved for one partner. She said her perspective comes from lived experience and from countless conversations with other parents who feel stuck as the default manager of everything. The frustration is not only about tasks like meals, naps, or outfits, but about the constant responsibility of anticipating needs and preventing problems before they happen.
A big part of the reaction centered on what many call the mental load. Koerner noted that dads often get praised for doing what’s considered routine parenting, while mothers are expected to handle the planning, emotional labor, and coordination without applause. That idea struck a nerve for women who have heard partners describe time with their children as “babysitting,” as if the kids belong to someone else. Others echoed how quickly strangers label a man “an amazing dad” for simply being out in public with his own children.
@lisakoerner10 Your husband should never say he's babysitting your kids 🤷🏻♀️
♬ Lean Back In The Yukon – Jacobdior
At the same time, plenty of people pushed back, including fathers who said the dynamic is not always about capability. Some argued that their partners tend to micromanage, leaving them unsure how to help without being criticized. Others pointed to work schedules and division of labor, saying that the parent who spends fewer hours at home may not automatically know every routine, preference, and detail unless they are included consistently.
Koerner later clarified that she wasn’t trying to shame dads or pick a fight between parents. She said the goal was to raise expectations and encourage more honest conversations about shared responsibility. In her view, being an involved parent should be the baseline, not a headline worthy achievement, and couples deserve a model where both adults can confidently handle their children without fear of doing it “wrong.”
What do you think, is leaving detailed instructions a normal part of teamwork, or a sign that responsibilities are unbalanced? Share your thoughts in the comments.
