A New Yorker who goes by Raq has ignited a stormy conversation after sharing what she called seven “minimum” expectations for a first date. Her list took off on X, racking up more than a million views and drawing plenty of strong reactions from both men and women. Some readers saw it as a refreshing return to basic manners, while others argued it sounded less like etiquette and more like an ultimatum. Raq insists she is reacting to a dating scene that, in her words, has become bleak.
Speaking to the New York Post, she described New York City dating as a mess where promising matches often come with a catch. She claimed that the men she meets tend to fall into a few frustrating categories, and that outsiders do not really understand how exhausting it can feel. The larger point behind her post, she said, is that so many interactions have become so disappointing that clearer standards start to feel necessary. That framing is part of why her list landed like a match on dry tinder.
Her rules are straightforward on paper, but her tone is what made them feel explosive to critics. First, she expects the man to pay the bill, and she suggested that splitting it would be a deal breaker. She also wants him to open every door and made it clear she does not plan to touch doors at all. Other points include letting her order first, offering her the booth, and walking her to her car or Uber so she feels safe.
The Bare Minimum (for men) – First Date
— Raq (@raqisright) November 19, 2025
1. Pay the bill (if you split the bill, I will never speak to you again AND I will slander you)
2. Open the door (ALL doors) – I don’t touch doors
3. Let her order first
4. Let her sit in the booth (obviously)
5. Offer to walk her home/to…
The last two guidelines are more social than chivalrous, but still familiar to anyone who has survived awkward first dates. She does not want to hear about an ex, a current “situation,” or even a past texting fling. And then there is the sidewalk rule, the old-school idea that a man should walk on the street side of the sidewalk. Raq framed it as common knowledge and implied that not knowing it might explain why someone is single.
Commenters quickly split into camps. Supporters, many of them women, argued that this is basic politeness dressed up as controversy and that the bar has fallen too low. Critics pushed back on the entitlement they heard in the wording, saying a list cannot be “minimal” if it comes with threats, rigid expectations, or social punishment. Some people even said they did not mind disagreeing with the points as much as they disliked the attitude behind them.
Raq is no stranger to provocation. On X and Instagram, she has built a following by posting punchy lists, and she has said some of her content is at least partly a joke. She also hosts in-person singles events, including one called Make America Hot Again, aimed at what she describes as normal, city-based conservatives. Another upcoming event is titled Death of Dating Apps, and she says the goal is simple, to get people meeting face to face again.
What do you consider true first-date basics in 2026, and where do you draw the line between etiquette and entitlement? Share your take in the comments.
