The start of a new year has a way of turning everyday doubts into big questions, especially about relationships. While some people reassess careers or routines, others find themselves wondering whether they are still with the right person. In fact, some lawyers reportedly refer to January 5 as “divorce day” because inquiries about ending a marriage tend to spike around then, and statistics often cited in the UK suggest a large share of marriages eventually end. Against that backdrop, relationship experts say there are subtle shifts that can hint a relationship is already moving toward the exit.
One early warning sign is what breakup and divorce expert Sara Davison calls “micro-cheating,” where the line isn’t crossed physically but emotionally begins to blur. It can look harmless at first, like liking someone’s posts a little too eagerly, messaging privately more often than you admit, or sharing personal feelings with a coworker or new friend in a way you used to reserve for your partner. Davison suggests this can become a quiet “testing phase,” and some people do it without fully realizing why. When emotional energy starts flowing elsewhere, it may be a way of bracing for the possibility that the relationship won’t last.
Another clue can show up in the future tense, or rather, the lack of it. Psychotherapist Susanna Abse points to resistance around planning together, even if you can’t explain it. A partner might mention picking dates for a vacation or talking about shared expenses, and instead of feeling excited, you feel a knot of reluctance. You may not say out loud that you don’t see yourself there, but your hesitation can signal that commitment feels like an investment you no longer want to make.
Emotional distance can deepen in smaller, quieter moments too. Psychotherapist Amy Bojanowski-Bubb describes a shift where you stop sharing the details that build intimacy, like worries, small wins, and the little stories from your day. Instead of your partner being the first person you tell, you turn to friends, colleagues, or simply keep it to yourself. Over time, that change can make the relationship feel more like co-existing than truly connecting.
Physical closeness can fade for many reasons in long relationships, but therapist Marianne Johnson says it becomes more concerning when avoidance takes over. If you catch yourself regularly making excuses to dodge affection or sex, it may reflect a deeper disengagement than routine stress or a busy schedule. Finally, there’s a surprising sign that can seem like peace but feels more like surrender. Couples therapist Joanna Harrison notes that while conflict can be unpleasant, it can also show that both people still care enough to fight for the relationship, and indifference, when you can’t even be bothered to engage, can be the louder message.
Which of these signs feels most familiar, and do you think they always point to a breakup, or could they be a call to reset the relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments.
