Most parents eventually hear a straight faced “It wasn’t me,” even when the evidence is right there. Child development experts say occasional lying is common, and research suggests it can start as early as age two as children’s thinking skills grow. Clinical psychologist Richard Gallagher, who leads the Institute for Parenting at New York University’s Child Study Center, notes that nearly all kids lie sometimes and that it often comes with normal development. The goal is not to panic, but to use these moments to build honesty and trust over time.
With toddlers and preschoolers, what looks like lying is often imagination and wishful thinking. At three or four, children may not fully grasp what a lie is, and they can blur reality with what they want to be true. A child might blame a spill on a monster because they feel overwhelmed and hope the problem disappears, especially if they sense a strong adult reaction. In these moments, staying calm helps more than a lecture, and focusing on the facts keeps the situation safe and manageable.
Between ages five and seven, lying becomes more purposeful and often centers on avoiding consequences. Kids may hide a mistake, dodge punishment, or try to get something they want, like more screen time or a later bedtime. They can also start shaping stories to impress friends as social life becomes a bigger deal. If lying is frequent, it can help to look at the pressure they feel, including whether expectations are too high or discipline feels scary rather than fair.
For older kids, dishonesty can shift into omissions and selective truth telling. They might “forget” to mention a test, claim there is no homework, or edit details to protect privacy and independence. Friends and status can drive exaggeration, so correcting them in front of peers usually backfires. A steadier approach is to flag the concern gently, give them a chance to reset, and keep the tone free of sarcasm so it feels possible to tell the truth.
Joseph Di Prisco, coauthor of Right From Wrong, argues that parents are teaching integrity every time they handle a lie. One powerful method is modeling honesty in daily life, like owning small mistakes instead of trying to wriggle out of them. It also helps to be truthful about emotions, since kids learn that feelings are safe and do not need to be covered up. As they get older, you can explain “white lies” in a simple way, showing them how to be polite without pretending, such as thanking someone for a gift even if it is not their favorite.
Most lying does not signal a serious problem, but patterns matter. Consider professional guidance from a pediatrician, school counselor, or child psychologist if deception shows up at home, at school, and with friends, if your child refuses to take responsibility, or if lying comes with behaviors like stealing, cruelty, or a lack of remorse. The earlier support begins, the easier it can be to rebuild trust and strengthen skills like accountability and empathy.
How do you handle it when you catch your child in a lie, and what responses have worked best in your home? Share your thoughts in the comments.
