Gurpreet Virdi-Bains says she grew up in the 1990s, when scraped knees and bike rides until dusk were part of childhood and adults were not hovering over every step. Kids climbed trees, leapt off swings, and figured things out as they went. Then she became a mother, and the freedom she once took for granted suddenly felt like a list of risks waiting to happen. The first time her daughter stumbled, panic rushed in and her instinct was not to let her shake it off, but to shield her from everything.
What surprised her was how quickly “be careful” became her default response. It was not only about falls or bruises, she admits, but also the fear of heartbreak, rejection, and disappointment. Each warning was a small attempt to keep pain away, even the kind that is impossible to prevent. Over time, she realized she was not just trying to stop accidents, she was trying to stop life from happening too loudly.
The more she said it, the more she started noticing subtle changes in her child. Her daughter hesitated before climbing at the playground and paused as if checking for permission to trust her own judgment. Instead of moving with curiosity, she began to second guess herself. That was the moment the message landed, constant caution was teaching her to see the world as something to fear.
A simple afternoon outside became a turning point. Virdi-Bains and her husband decided to help their daughter learn to climb a tree, the kind of thing she once did without a second thought. This time, she could only see slippery bark, sharp branches, and the possibility of a fall. The familiar warning rose in her throat, but she tried a different approach.
Rather than calling out another alarm, she asked questions. Did you have a plan, where will your foot go next, what will you hold onto. Her daughter looked at the tree more carefully, not with panic but with focus. She climbed slowly, thinking through each move, and the confidence came from inside her instead of from an adult’s running commentary.
That shift matters because modern parenting often feels like a tightrope walk between freedom and fear. Headlines, viral clips, and judgment from strangers can make it seem like caution is the main measure of good parenting. In that climate, it is easy to confuse protection with control. Virdi-Bains says she has learned that control and connection cannot thrive in the same space, and that too much micromanaging leaves less room for creativity, bravery, and growth.
How do you handle the urge to warn your child, and what helps you support independence without ignoring safety? Share your thoughts in the comments.
