Social media feeds are constantly flooded with images of happy, thriving children and carefully curated snapshots of what appears to be flawless family life. That relentless stream of idealized content puts enormous pressure on parents who are just trying to do their best. A 2024 study conducted by the Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago surveyed 1,000 millennial parents and found that a striking 85 percent of them believe social media sets unrealistic expectations for what parenting should look like. On top of that, 30 percent of millennial mothers admitted to regularly comparing their own parenting success to what they observe online.
Despite what social media influencers and countless parenting guides might suggest, there is no single universally correct way to raise a child. That is the message from child psychiatrist Suzan Song, who is also the author of the book “Why We Suffer and How We Heal.” According to Song, as reported by CNBC, the pursuit of parenting perfection is not only exhausting but fundamentally misguided. “A perfect parent simply does not exist,” she says, and she has practical advice for anyone who feels crushed under the weight of impossible standards.
One of Song’s key recommendations is to bring more play and lighthearted fun into everyday parenting moments. When anxiety starts creeping in because dinner did not turn out right or because you are worrying about your child’s grades, Song suggests finding a small pocket of time for something joyful and spontaneous. That might mean dancing around the kitchen while you cook, belting out a song in the shower together, or sitting down for an impromptu drawing session. These moments do not need to be elaborate or Pinterest-worthy to be meaningful.
Song explains the deeper reasoning behind this approach in a way that reframes the whole idea of play. “The more we encourage adults and parents to play, the easier it is to step away from the idea of perfection,” she says. Play, in her view, is fundamentally different from structured achievement because it carries no performance expectations attached to it. “Play has no predetermined goal,” Song adds, “it is creative, messy, and joyful.” That messiness, she argues, is exactly the point because it teaches both parents and children that imperfection is not something to fear.
Perhaps the most counterintuitive piece of advice Song offers is what she calls the “C-grade parenting” approach. Rather than striving for an A in every parenting moment, she encourages parents to actively lower the bar for themselves on difficult days. “Tell yourself: Today I will be a C-grade parent,” she advises. It sounds strange at first, but the logic behind it is sound and surprisingly liberating once you sit with it.
Song illustrates the idea with a straightforward example involving mealtime, one of the most common sources of parenting stress. “Tell yourself: ‘Today I will offer them vegetables.’ If they do not eat them, that is okay. Let us move on,” she explains. When you set more achievable expectations for yourself, success becomes something you can actually reach rather than a distant and shifting goalpost. More importantly, it becomes easier to forgive yourself in the moments when things do not go as planned, which is a skill every parent genuinely needs.
There is also an important lesson embedded in this approach for the children themselves. When kids witness their parents making mistakes, feeling frustrated, and moving on without falling apart, they absorb something invaluable about resilience and self-compassion. As Song puts it, children watching an imperfect parent learn this: “My parent is not perfect, so I do not have to be either.” That permission to be flawed is one of the most powerful gifts a parent can pass on to a child.
The pressure to be a perfect parent is not a new phenomenon, but it has intensified dramatically in the age of social media and the nonstop availability of parenting content. Perfectionism in parenting is linked by researchers to increased anxiety and depression in both parents and children, as well as to a parenting style that can be overly controlling or emotionally unavailable. The concept of “good enough” parenting was actually first introduced by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950s, who argued that children do not need perfect parents but rather “good enough” ones who meet their basic emotional needs most of the time. Winnicott believed that small, manageable failures in parenting are actually healthy because they help children gradually develop the ability to tolerate frustration. Research in developmental psychology has since consistently supported the idea that warmth, consistency, and emotional availability matter far more than flawless execution in day-to-day parenting tasks. The “C-grade” philosophy Song describes aligns closely with this well-established body of thought, giving modern parents a relatable and accessible way to put those principles into practice.
If any of this resonates with you, whether you are a parent who struggles with perfectionism or someone who has found their own way to embrace “good enough,” share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
