Long-term relationships demand consistent effort, and maintaining passion over the years is one of the harder parts of that work. Relationship counselor Christie Hoang has a clear and simple rule she believes every couple should follow if they want their relationship to survive. According to her, it does not take much time at all, yet its impact on intimacy and emotional connection can be enormous. The habit she is referring to is something most couples do naturally at the beginning, but quietly let fade away.
Hoang stresses that partners need to keep flirting with each other, no matter how long they have been together. She goes so far as to say that couples who stop flirting “always” end up breaking up. While that may sound like an overly simple rule, she argues that continuing to flirt can “reignite the spark in a relationship,” as reported by YourTango. It is a small gesture with an outsized emotional payoff.
One of the biggest misconceptions around flirting is that it belongs only in the early stages of dating. Sexual advisor Amy Levine explains that once people reach a settled, committed place in a relationship, the playfulness that first brought them together tends to disappear. “When we come to a stable place where we know we have a ‘secure’ status with someone, it’s common to lose the playfulness that brought you together in the first place,” she said. That loss, while understandable, can quietly chip away at the foundation of even a strong relationship.
Marriage and family therapist Sarah Hunter Murray adds important depth to this conversation. She explains that when a partner flirts with us, it serves as a signal that we are loved, valued, attractive, and cared for. “When our partner flirts with us, it’s one of the ways we feel loved, special, attractive, and taken care of,” Murray noted. On the flip side, when flirting disappears from a long-term relationship, it can plant seeds of doubt about whether the other person is still attracted to you or emotionally invested. Murray also points out that maintaining flirtatious behavior in lasting relationships “can play a role in reducing arguments and boosting self-confidence,” which makes it beneficial well beyond romance.
If flirting has been absent from your relationship for a while, experts say there is no reason to panic or feel overwhelmed about getting it back. Sexologist Shauna Harris explains that reintroducing it can be as easy as sending a slightly playful or cheeky message to your partner during the day or simply making a point to “laugh at their jokes.” These are small, low-effort actions that signal warmth and attraction without requiring any grand gestures. While flirting alone will not resolve deeper relationship issues, it plays a meaningful role in sustaining desire and reminding your partner that your feelings are still very much alive.
Flirting, from a psychological standpoint, is broadly understood as a form of social and romantic communication used to express interest and attraction. Research in relationship psychology suggests that couples who maintain regular positive interactions, including playful banter and light teasing, tend to report higher levels of satisfaction and emotional security. The concept of “positive sentiment override,” developed by relationship researcher John Gottman, describes how couples who build up enough goodwill through small positive interactions are better equipped to handle conflict when it arises. Flirting is considered one of those positive micro-interactions that keeps the emotional bank account of a relationship well-funded over time. Gottman’s decades of research also found that contempt, or the absence of affection and playfulness, is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown.
Share your thoughts on whether you think flirting is the secret to keeping a relationship strong in the comments.
