Most people imagine Valentine’s Day restaurant shifts as something almost magical, full of candlelit tables, tender glances, and couples deeply absorbed in each other. For Luke Bellinghausen, the reality of working two 14-hour shifts over Valentine’s Day weekend told a completely different story. Rather than witnessing romance at its peak, he found himself increasingly disheartened by what he saw unfolding at the tables around him. What started as a tough physical shift quickly became an emotional one.
Bellinghausen, who shared his observations in a TikTok video that caught widespread attention, said that the behavior of many young men he served was what troubled him most. “Guys seem to hate their girlfriends,” he said bluntly, adding that men need to be better communicators and should “say what they mean and, generally, act like they even want to be there.” He described watching couple after couple where the connection between two people simply seemed absent. The indifference he witnessed on what is supposed to be the most romantic evening of the year was something he hadn’t expected to encounter quite so frequently.
What made the experience especially difficult for him was the visible effect this dynamic had on the women at those tables. “I felt like I was serving girls in distress,” he said, making it clear that his concern wasn’t just abstract disappointment in modern romance but genuine empathy for the people sitting right in front of him. Valentine’s Day is one of the rare occasions when even couples who rarely go out make an effort to celebrate together, which made the lack of enthusiasm all the more striking. Moments where a couple genuinely seemed happy to be with each other became, as he put it, a welcome surprise rather than the norm.
@lukebellinghausen goodmorning chat, i have finally completed work #valentines #server #serverstory #couples #dating ♬ original sound – Luke Bellinghausen
By the end of his video, Bellinghausen summed up how the weekend had left him feeling. “My whole body hurts, my feet are killing me. But more than anything, my heart hurts… We need to be better at dating in this generation. It scares me.” His words resonated with a large audience online, sparking conversations about the state of romantic relationships among younger generations. Many viewers agreed that something has shifted in the way young people navigate love and partnership, though opinions on the reasons varied widely.
Research appears to support the idea that Gen Z has a notably different relationship with dating compared to previous generations. A study from the American Institute for Boys and Men found that 44 percent of young Gen Z men had not dated anyone during their teenage years, which the institute suggested could mean missing out on “important opportunities to develop relationship skills and confidence.” This lack of early romantic experience may leave some young people ill-equipped to handle the emotional demands of a relationship once they do enter one. The data paints a picture of a generation that is, in many ways, entering adulthood with less practice at intimacy.
Writing in USA Today, columnist Kofi Mframa offered another angle on this, noting that Gen Z as a whole tends toward lower-risk behavior across many areas of life, and this caution extends to their romantic choices. The preference for casual or non-committal arrangements over deeper emotional investment can make it appear as though young couples are simply going through the motions rather than genuinely connecting. What Bellinghausen observed in that restaurant may be, at least in part, a reflection of these broader generational patterns rather than individual failings.
Valentine’s Day itself has a long and somewhat complicated history as a romantic holiday. It is broadly celebrated on February 14th and is widely associated with the exchange of gifts, flowers, and shared meals, though its origins trace back centuries to both Christian feast days and ancient Roman festivals. In the United States alone, the National Retail Federation has consistently reported that Americans spend billions of dollars on Valentine’s Day each year, making it one of the biggest commercial holidays on the calendar. Despite that level of investment, the emotional quality of how couples actually spend the day can vary enormously.
Research in relationship psychology has long shown that active listening, genuine curiosity about a partner, and regular expressions of appreciation are among the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction. Studies by psychologist John Gottman found that couples who thrive long-term tend to respond positively to small bids for connection throughout daily life, not just on special occasions. In that light, a Valentine’s dinner is only as meaningful as the everyday effort both people invest in each other. The holiday is a mirror, not a remedy.
If Bellinghausen’s observations sparked something in you, or if you have your own thoughts on the state of dating in today’s world, share what you think in the comments.
