A short video filmed on the London Underground has reignited a surprisingly heated question about modern manners. Are “gentlemen” still around, or have changing social expectations made old courtesies feel outdated. What started as a simple moment in a crowded train carriage quickly turned into a debate about respect, entitlement, and what fairness looks like in public spaces.
The clip was posted by TikToker Katy Olivia, who recorded herself standing with shopping bags while several men remained seated around her. In the video she sighs and mentions that her legs hurt and that she would love to sit down, while nearby passengers briefly glance up and return to their phones. The post took off, drawing more than 7.5 million views and plenty of strong opinions. In her caption, Olivia compared past ideas of male bravery and protection with today’s rush to secure a seat, which only fueled the conversation further.
Many viewers agreed with her frustration and framed it as a basic issue of politeness. Some argued that offering a seat is a small gesture that signals good upbringing and consideration for others. Others took it further, saying that a true gentleman is now rare and that women and children should still be given priority in everyday situations. For this group, the point was not about drama, but about noticing someone who looks uncomfortable and doing something kind.
@katyo1iviaa ♬ original sound – katyo1iviaa
But just as many people pushed back, and the discussion quickly drifted into arguments about equality. Commenters questioned why anyone should give up a seat simply because the person standing is a woman, especially if she appears young and healthy. A number of people suggested that this is exactly what equality looks like in practice, with the same expectations applied to everyone. Some even insisted that the social shift toward independence has changed the rules, and that chivalry feels confusing when it is treated as an obligation rather than a choice.
Interestingly, research on public transport behavior suggests the instinct to offer a seat is strongest when vulnerability is obvious, such as with older passengers, pregnant people, or those with disabilities. When someone looks fit and well, the willingness to stand up drops sharply, and many riders see seat offering as a need-based courtesy rather than a gendered tradition. Etiquette expert Kate Heussler also argues that good manners are not about performing outdated roles, but about awareness and situational judgment. She says the best approach is simple, notice who truly needs help, offer without assumptions, and stay gracious if the offer is declined.
Where do you land on this, and should seat etiquette be about gender, need, or something else entirely? Share your take in the comments.
