Many couples decide to remain in a relationship simply for the sake of their offspring, convincing themselves that this is the best choice for the family unit. However, relationship experts frequently warn that maintaining a facade can often cause more harm than good. A home lacking in genuine affection can be damaging not just for the parents, but also for the children growing up in that environment.
If you are wondering about the state of your own union, there are specific behaviors that indicate you might be holding on strictly for the benefit of your kids. Here are several indicators that your marriage may be surviving solely because of your parental duties.
You constantly rely on a buffer to avoid being alone
One of the most telling signs is the inability to tolerate one-on-one time with your spouse. If you notice that you always ensure there is a third party present—whether it is the children, friends, or extended family members—to fill the silence and diffuse tension, this is a red flag. Couples who are only together for the children often avoid intimacy and solitude because those moments force them to confront the lack of connection between them. If the idea of a weekend away with just your partner fills you with dread rather than excitement, it suggests the emotional bond has eroded.
You fantasize about a future without your partner
Everyone daydreams now and then, but there is a distinct difference between needing a break and planning an exit strategy. If you frequently catch yourself imagining a new life that begins the moment your youngest child leaves home, you are likely viewing your current marriage as a sentence to be served rather than a partnership to be cherished. These fantasies about future freedom reveal that you are enduring the relationship rather than participating in it, treating the eventual empty nest as your release date.
Your conversations are strictly logistical
When the only things you talk about are carpool schedules, grocery lists, and parent-teacher conferences, your role has shifted from romantic partner to business manager. While co-parenting requires coordination, a healthy marriage also involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and dreams. If you have stopped asking about each other’s days or no longer share a laugh, and every interaction is transactional and centered on the kids, the romantic aspect of your relationship has likely faded away.
You feel more like roommates than spouses
In this scenario, you might share a roof and a bank account, but you live parallel lives that rarely intersect meaningfully. You have your routine, and they have theirs. You function effectively as a team running a household, but the warmth, affection, and emotional support are missing. You might sleep in the same bed (or maybe you don’t), but the emotional distance is vast. When the primary glue holding you together is the mortgage and the children’s needs, you have drifted into “roommate syndrome.”
You feel a sense of relief when they are not around
Pay attention to how your body and mind react when your spouse leaves the house. If you feel a wave of relief, lightness, or peace the moment they walk out the door, it is a strong indicator of your true feelings. Conversely, if hearing their car in the driveway triggers anxiety or a drop in your mood, your body is telling you what your mind might be trying to ignore. In a thriving marriage, reunions are generally positive; in a marriage held together by obligation, separation feels like a reprieve.
Arguments have either disappeared or become constant
Relationship apathy can manifest in two extremes. On one hand, you might stop fighting altogether because you simply no longer care enough to resolve conflicts; you have checked out emotionally. On the other hand, you might find yourself bickering constantly over trivial matters because of underlying resentment. When you are staying together just for the kids, the unresolved unhappiness often leaks out as irritability, or it settles into a cold, silent tolerance where neither of you bothers to engage anymore.
