The Cuban Missile Crisis – October 22, 1962
The Cuban Missile Crisis was officially announced on this day in 1962 by then President John F. Kennedy. If you are a history buff like me, you will know that during that time the United States was on a mission to defeat communism worldwide and the thought of having Soviet Medium range Missiles in Cuba and so close to the United States was a very scary thing indeed. History.com has a great synopsis of what the Cuban Missile Crisis was all about. The fact remains that two superpowers were so close into getting into war and any kind of event could have propelled us into that and the world would definitely be a different place today. President John F Kennedy would have successfully averted a war but just a month later would get assassinated in Dallas. Have you ever tried to communicate with your partner and your family through the use of fears and threats? In my daily message below I talk about crisis communications with family, exes and loved ones along with exploring if your communication is filled with FEAR and THREATS as a means of compromising.
The Highway Beautification Act was signed – October 22, 1965
President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the highway beautification act to limit billboards, junkyards and unsightly messes from our nation’s highways. This was really an answer to a pet project by Lady Bird Johnson. I got the opportunity to visit both the Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library and the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center in Austin, TX. As a couple, I loved the projects and causes that both of these individuals fought for during their lifetimes. In Texas, seeing the wildflowers along the highways always reminds me of what Lady Bird Johnson always wanted to do was to preserve the natural habitat of this country. Environmentalism as we know it today would not have been the same had acts such as this not been enacted. This act was symbolic.
The Daily Message – Crisis Communications in Coparenting
Like the Cuban Missile Crisis, many times situations come up in our families where we are put in a situation to have to either defuse situations, explain our positions or negotiate our decisions. In single family homes and in co-parenting this is extremely difficult since communicating with our ex’s means having to move past the former wrongs and beginning to trust your ex. This is very difficult to do in divorced homes as we look upon the past as reflective of the other person’s future and we can sometimes put ourselves in a constant state of fear and alert in anticipation for what we believe is inevitable crisis mode. In the Cuban Missile Crisis, President Kennedy had to make a lot of decisions to not only 1) Protect the country but 2) Avoid the costly effects of war. As single parents and coparents we must react and make quick decisions all the time. Going back to court to enforce custody and child support is not only a headache but also a financial hassle. It just creates tension with both parties and sometimes spills over into other decisions such as one party not allowing the other party to talk to or even see the kids. That is such a horrible mistake and I have dealt with that with my oldest daughter’s dad. I have experience with this particular ex where he equates child support with visitation since he feels that they are both the same. Withhold one then you have the right to withhold the other is his belief system. It’s a black and white way of thinking that accomplishes nothing for our daughter’s well being. Not only is this bad for the well being of the child but it’s also illegal. That does nothing for the child and doesn’t benefit the child to not allow the child to talk to the other parent when that child happens to be visiting or staying with the other parent. Paying for lawyers to to talk to your ex is another costly by-product if you can’t manage crisis communications as a coparent. If you are inept at talking to your ex, then you need to learn to communicate. Negotiation is another key part of crisis communications with coparents. Take the YOU and the WINNING part out of it and replace it with KIDS and KIDS winning as your position in negotiations and the choices you make will be clearer and much more beneficial to your children. My son’s dad is a manipulator and I have suffered for years from his abuse and harassment. However, I still have to coparent with him so I created a communication plan to defuse my emotions when I speak to him.
1) Keep communication simple and to the point (About the kids)- Ask a question and wait for a response and only for the response that directly answers the question
2) Don’t engage in small talk or volunteering information. Goes back to step 1 and keeping communication simple.
3) If I start to get upset then diffuse tension by ending the conversation and waiting for the next day to ask the same question again.
4) Document everything
5) Don’t begin a conversation when you are stressed at work or in the middle of a project. Set a date and time to talk so you can focus on positive communications.
6) Compromise when it’s beneficial for the kids and for you but don’t let your ex manipulate your or take advantage of you by asking you to compromise things that may impact your health, your ability to bring in income (your work), or your emotional well being.
7) Mean what you say. Don’t test the other person.
What tips do you have for crisis communication as a coparent?
Below is a photo collage of my time at The Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. This center is a research institution dedicated to preserving the nation’s natural habitats. One of the projects and missions for Lady Bird Johnson.
Today’s Scripture Reading – Romans 5:12, 15, 17-19, 20-21
12 Well then; it was through one man that sin came into the world, and through sin death, and thus death has spread through the whole human race because everyone has sinned.
15 There is no comparison between the free gift and the offence. If death came to many through the offence of one man, how much greater an effect the grace of God has had, coming to so many and so plentifully as a free gift through the one man Jesus Christ!
17 It was by one man’s offence that death came to reign over all, but how much greater the reign in life of those who receive the fullness of grace and the gift of saving justice, through the one man, Jesus Christ.
18 One man’s offence brought condemnation on all humanity; and one man’s good act has brought justification and life to all humanity.
19 Just as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by one man’s obedience are many to be made upright.
20 When law came on the scene, it was to multiply the offences. But however much sin increased, grace was always greater;
21 so that as sin’s reign brought death, so grace was to rule through saving justice that leads to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Daily Reflection
If you are in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) here is your daily reflection for October 22, 2013
TRUE TOLERANCE
Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 92
The thought occurred to me that all people are emotionally ill to some extent. How could we not be? Who among us is spiritually perfect? Who among us is physically perfect? How could any of us be emotionally perfect? Therefore, what else are we to do but bear with one another and treat each other as we would be treated in similar circumstances? That is what love really is.
From the book Daily Reflections
© Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
