It seems like the world has collectively left its “Lover” era and stepped firmly into the “Hater” era. Instead of bonding over the things we adore, people are finding common ground in shared frustrations, pet peeves, and mutual dislikes. Gen Z has brought yet another chaotic concept into the dating world, and this one goes by the name “grim-keeping,” as reported by HuffPost. Forget finding a partner who loves the same music or enjoys long walks on the beach — the new compatibility test is figuring out what drives you both absolutely crazy.
“Grim-keeping” flips the traditional approach to romantic connection on its head. Rather than building a bond through shared passions or favorite hobbies, this trend is all about uniting over shared annoyances. Whether it’s universally relatable irritations like people who chew loudly or clap when a plane lands, or hyper-specific grievances like despising raisins in cookies, grim-keeping turns negativity into a strange new love language. And it doesn’t stop at romance — people are applying the same logic to friendships, finding their people through the things they simply cannot stand.
There is actually some psychology behind why this works. Relationship expert Mila Smith explained that this generation values raw honesty and self-expression above almost everything else. “Gen Z values self-expression, mental health, and honesty about what they love, and especially about what they don’t love,” she said. “They’re probably the most open generation yet — they don’t keep things bottled up, they put it all out there. It’s meme culture: laughing at common attitudes and behaviors.” Smith also pointed out a practical advantage to this approach, noting that “grim-keeping is often a faster route” to connection because the list of things people dislike tends to be shorter and more universal than the vast spectrum of things they enjoy.
Monica Lynne, a relationship expert at the dating app Flirtini, sees this trend as a direct reaction to the overly polished world Gen Z was raised in. “Gen Z grew up surrounded by curated Instagram posts and the idea of the ‘perfect’ adult life,” she said. “Because of that, they look at prettied-up self-presentation with suspicion. Grim-keeping acts as an antidote — it normalizes, even celebrates, bonding over something negative.” According to Lynne, sharing what irritates you actually allows people to connect on a deeper, more authentic level. “When two people agree on what’s annoying or absurd, they create a safe space where they can be petty and weird together. Essentially, you’re showing that you process the world the same way, and that can be a stronger sign of chemistry than both liking the same TV show,” she added.
On dating apps like Flirtini, this trend has become increasingly visible in how people write their profiles. Instead of listing hobbies, people are describing their biggest pet peeves, and someone who responds with humor becomes a top candidate for a date. HuffPost spoke with several Gen Z individuals who shared their own grim-keeping stories. Michaela, 22, admitted that she and a former partner bonded over a mutual hatred of the same TikTok influencer. “We realized we both hated the same TikTok influencer and kept sending each other her videos,” she said, adding that even after the breakup, they still occasionally check if the influencer has posted something new. Flo, 28, shared that she and her partner bond over a mutual friend who constantly cancels plans at the last minute with terrible excuses — they even place bets on whether he will bail again. Chloe, 26, laughed about how she and her boyfriend get worked up watching someone on TV who clearly has had too many cosmetic procedures. “We always have a good laugh about it… maybe that makes us bad people?” she admitted.
Critics of the trend worry that building a relationship on a foundation of cynicism could reinforce the already overwhelming cycle of negativity that floods social media and news feeds every day. Mila Smith shared this concern, warning that focusing on the negative risks causing people to overlook a partner’s positive qualities altogether. She noted that shared irritations reveal very little about a person’s deeper values, and things like views on family, career, finances, and social justice matter far more in the long run than both disliking the same person online. Monica Lynne echoed this, saying the trend should serve as a starting point rather than a destination. “Grim-keeping should be a launching pad — a way to open deeper conversations about what truly drives you,” she said. “That way you’re not just bonding over mutual dislikes but also exploring the values, beliefs, and passions that make up real compatibility.”
The grim-keeping trend is part of a broader Gen Z pattern of forming connections through highly specific, niche details rather than broad common interests. It is similar in spirit to “freak matching,” which is about bonding over uniquely odd things you love. Neither trend promises long-term compatibility on its own, but both can serve as conversation starters that spark a genuine connection. As the article puts it, you might both despise the same character from ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ — say, Owen Hunt — but shared contempt alone is unlikely to help you pay a mortgage together.
Gen Z, generally defined as those born between 1997 and 2012, is the first generation to grow up entirely in the age of smartphones and social media. This has shaped their communication style, their sense of humor, and the way they approach dating in profound ways. Unlike previous generations who relied on in-person meetings or personal ads, Gen Z largely navigates romance through apps, memes, and viral trends, which helps explain why concepts like grim-keeping can spread and take hold so quickly across the culture.
If you’ve ever bonded with someone over a shared annoyance, feel free to share your own grim-keeping experiences in the comments.
