Separating from your partner when you have children together isn’t easy. Not only do you have to deal with the fallout of the end of your relationship, but you also have to find a way to coparent together.
Much easier said than done, this is often hard to do when you may no longer even like each other and are holding feelings of anger and resentment. The simple fact of the situation is that if you want your children to have both parents in their lives, you have to find a way to make it work. It takes effort, but you can co-parent without letting your relationship with each other get in the way.
Separate as Amicably as You Can
Try to separate as amicably as possible. Not all separations and divorces have to be acrimonious and full of anger and spite. You might be sad, mad or disappointed about the end of your relationship, but you can still choose to be civil with each other. Many parents also manage to be friends with each other after separating too.
There are many options for an amicable separation, including creating separation agreements. Consult your legal counsel for details related to your particular case and situation, but you can avoid having to go into litigation to deal with your divorce. If you’re able to work together, you can make important decisions regarding child custody, finances, and anything else.
Avoid Bad-Mouthing
Even if you can’t get along perfectly and you have negative feelings about each other, it’s important to keep that separate from your parenting.
One of the most important things to do is avoid talking negatively about your child’s other parent in front of them. Even though they might frustrate you or make you angry, it’s not fair if your feelings about them affect their ability to parent. It is also a negative action that tends to reflect negatively on you if you ever have to deal with a custody dispute. If possible, keep your feelings to yourself (or, at least, discuss them with adults).
Stick to What Matters
If you find it hard not to get into arguments with your ex, it’s best to focus on what really matters. Parenting your child together is the most important thing, so stick to the things that are necessary for making that possible. Try to keep discussions to practical things and keep your child’s best interests in mind at all times. While it won’t necessarily prevent you from ever having disagreements, it can help you to get along. If you disagree about a parenting decision, you can find ways to compromise or mediate the decision to come to the right choice.
Work on Communication
Improving your communication with each other is essential if you want to be able to coparent without your relationship getting in the way. When you’re able to communicate well with each other, you can focus on what’s most important and prevent miscommunication from getting in your way. One thing that might help is agreeing on when, why, and how you should communicate certain things to each other so that there are clear rules for you to follow.
Coparenting with your ex can be tough, but it’s worth the effort if it means you can raise your children together.