A parenting debate is heating up after a TikTok video about school fights went viral and split viewers into camps. In the clip, Louisiana mom Brittany Norris says she teaches her kids to hit back if someone attacks them at school. Her blunt message struck a nerve with parents, teachers, and anyone who has ever worried about bullying. The conversation quickly grew beyond one family’s rules and turned into a bigger argument about safety, values, and what schools can realistically do in the moment.
Norris’s core point was simple and controversial. “If someone hits my child, I’m not raising them to go tell the teacher. I’m not raising snitches,” she said in the video. She followed that with a direct instruction to her kids about what she expects them to do when they feel threatened. “Handle it yourself, hit back, defend yourself, and if that isn’t enough, I’ll step in,” she added. She closed with a line that made her stance even clearer. “If that’s controversial, I really don’t care. Hit harder. Thank you.”
The video drew more than 900 comments, and the reactions could not have been more different. Supporters said her approach prepares kids for reality and discourages repeat harassment. Critics argued it normalizes violence and increases the odds that children will be hurt or punished. Many parents also pointed out the messy middle, where a child may not know whether a shove was an accident, a joke, or an actual attack. That uncertainty is exactly why the topic keeps resurfacing, especially when viral clips reduce complicated situations to a few sharp sentences.
Educators were among the first to push back, warning that a hit back can quickly spiral into a bigger fight. One teacher wrote, “Unfortunately, almost every parent thinks this way and that’s why fights are out of control.” The same commenter also stressed how this mindset can keep adults in the dark when something serious is happening. “We won’t even know students have a problem because no one will come to us. They’ll just fight,” the teacher added. For school staff who are trying to track patterns, separate kids, and document incidents, silence can make prevention almost impossible.
Other commenters were even more direct in their criticism. “This attitude is awful. Physical violence is never the answer,” one person wrote. Another said, “I teach my kids to try words first because giving it back the same way makes no sense.” Those responses reflect a belief that children should be taught de escalation and help seeking before anything gets physical. For many families, the fear is that a rule like “hit back” becomes a shortcut that replaces judgment, communication, and adult intervention.
@brittanynorris_ like be fr #parenting #fightback #parentsoftiktok ♬ original sound – brittany norris
At the same time, plenty of people argued that self defense is not the same as aggression, and they saw Norris as speaking for parents who feel schools do not protect children fast enough. One commenter shared an old rule of thumb, “I was always taught, ‘Never hit first, but make sure you land the last hit.’” Another person wrote, “Self defense is a skill you need in the real world, and school won’t teach you that.” These supporters framed the issue as a practical lesson, not a lesson in cruelty, and they described it as a way to prevent a child from becoming a constant target.
As the debate spread, Norris doubled down instead of backing away. She told TODAY.com that she was not changing her view. “Stand up for yourself. I’d rather sit in the principal’s office because my child defended themselves than stay quiet,” she said. She also acknowledged that reporting can matter, but she argued it does not solve the immediate danger. “Going to the teacher might be good for long term conflict resolution, but it doesn’t help in the moment of an attack,” she added.
The discussion also drew expert perspective from Dr. Deborah Gilboa, who focuses on building resilience in children. She emphasized that broad advice can collide with a family’s core beliefs about safety and dignity. “The problem with giving universal advice about hitting back is that you are actually dictating what values people should have about violence, protection, dignity, and a child’s autonomy,” Dr. Gilboa explained. Her point highlights why this argument feels so personal, because it is not only about rules but also about identity and what parents want their kids to become. Even when two adults want the same outcome, a safe child, they may disagree on the best path to get there.
What makes the topic so explosive is that real life conflicts rarely fit neatly into one script. Some children freeze when they are scared, and others lash out before they fully understand what is happening. A child might be dealing with a persistent bully, or they might be caught in a one time scuffle that looks worse than it is. Schools also vary widely in how they respond and how quickly adults can intervene. That uncertainty leaves parents trying to balance two fears, raising a child who is harmed versus raising a child who harms others.
More broadly, bullying is usually described as repeated aggressive behavior that involves a power imbalance, and it can be physical, verbal, or social. Many child development resources stress teaching kids to recognize unsafe situations, use assertive language, and seek help from trusted adults. Self defense is often discussed as a last resort when a child cannot safely get away, though families and schools may define that line differently. Resilience experts also point out that coping skills include knowing when to step back, when to speak up, and how to recover after a stressful event. In practice, children need both protection and guidance so they do not carry fear and anger into every hallway interaction.
Conflict resolution approaches also tend to focus on prevention and reporting, especially when incidents are repeated. Documentation can help adults identify patterns, supervise specific areas, and keep certain students separated. Restorative practices are sometimes used to address harm and rebuild trust, although they depend on consistent follow through and cooperation from families. At the same time, parents often want immediate assurances, and when they do not feel confident those exist, they may fall back on simple rules that give kids a sense of control. That tension between long term systems and short term survival is the heart of why Norris’s video sparked such intense reactions.
What do you think kids should be taught to do in the moment when another student gets physical, share your thoughts in the comments.
