We all seem to know someone who is never single for long, not because they have found a forever relationship, but because there is always a new one waiting in the wings. The timing can feel suspicious, as if there was barely a gap between the breakup and the next big romance. In many cases, there really is not. That pattern has a name now, and it is gaining attention for all the wrong reasons.
The trend is often called monkey barring or monkey branching, and it describes a person who will not let go of one relationship until they have secured another. Sabrina Bendory, a relationship expert at Dating.com, compares it to moving across playground monkey bars, with one hand still gripping the current partner while the other reaches for someone new. In practice, it can look like texting and flirting, building emotional closeness, and quietly lining up the next relationship while the current one is still officially intact.
Amie Leadingham, a relationship coach quoted by Cosmopolitan, frames it as a toxic pattern where someone keeps their existing relationship afloat while actively searching for a replacement. The motivation is not always about thrill seeking. It is often rooted in fear, especially fear of being alone, being rejected, or stepping into the unknown without a backup plan.
Leadingham notes that some people do this because they struggle with codependency and use new connections as an emotional safety net. Instead of sitting with the discomfort of a breakup or the quiet of being single, they chase reassurance and distraction through attention and romantic momentum. Bendory adds that even when a relationship is not fulfilling, the familiarity can feel safer than an open ending, so people cling to it until the next option feels guaranteed. For others, it is also a way to avoid difficult conversations, because planning a soft exit can seem easier than being honest.
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Whether monkey barring counts as cheating depends on the boundaries of each relationship, but the common thread is secrecy. If someone would be afraid to tell their partner what they are doing, that fear is usually a sign they already know it crosses a line. The article also draws a clear distinction between this behavior and polyamory. Angelika Koch, who is associated with Taimi, emphasizes that polyamory relies on consent from everyone involved, while monkey barring relies on concealment and emotional dependence.
The damage spreads in multiple directions. The current partner may believe the relationship is stable, while the other person has already emotionally checked out. The new person can also be pulled in without the full story, treated like a contingency plan rather than an equal participant. And the person doing the monkey barring often misses the chance to process the end of a relationship, learn from it, and rebuild with integrity, which can carry the same unresolved issues straight into the next chapter.
Have you ever seen monkey barring play out in real life, or felt its impact from either side? Share your thoughts in the comments.
