A first time mom named Haeli Christiansen set off a wave of debate after posting a short TikTok that showed her stopping her own mother from kissing her newborn. In the clip, her mom leans in instinctively, and Christiansen reaches over with a gentle tap that turns the moment into a playful reminder. Text over the video read, “Gently reminding my mom to not kiss the newborn,” and the caption summed up her stance with, “the word of the day is ‘boundaries.’” What Christiansen expected to be a relatable laugh for other new parents quickly became a lightning rod for opinions.
Many viewers focused less on the joke and more on what it meant emotionally for a grandparent. One commenter captured that reaction plainly with, “I would be so sad as a grandma,” while another added, “I have two grandkids and was never told to not kiss them on their head.” To some, the no kissing rule felt cold, even if the kiss was only meant for a forehead. Others saw it as a parent doing what parents do best, which is making an unpopular call in the name of safety.
Christiansen told PEOPLE that the decision was not personal, and that it was agreed on at home before the baby arrived. She explained, “My husband and I made the decision to not have extended family or friends kiss our newborn for the first few months.” Her reasoning was tied to timing, since her baby was born during what she described as illness season. She also emphasized that the boundary applied broadly, not just to one family member.
What pushed her to draw such a clear line was the risk that a mild illness can pose to a tiny infant. Christiansen put it in simple terms, saying, “A common cold for adults could land a newborn in the hospital and be a life-threatening situation.” For many parents, that sentence is the whole argument in one breath. Newborns have not built up immune defenses yet, so avoiding unnecessary exposure becomes the default mindset. Even affectionate gestures can become stressful when a baby is only weeks old.
Her caution was also shaped by her own childhood story, which made the rule feel less theoretical and more personal. Christiansen said, “When I was a baby, I was hospitalized twice on two separate occasions from family kissing me without realizing they were sick.” That history changed the dynamic in her family, because the grandmother in the video was not offended by the boundary. Christiansen added that her mom had actually encouraged the no kissing approach based on what happened years ago.
@haeli.christiansen the word of the day is “boundaries” 😂 #firsttimemom #newmomlife #motherhood #momsoftiktok #momhumor ♬ original sound – bestspedup
The part that surprised her most was how quickly strangers turned the moment into a moral judgment. Christiansen admitted, “I was shocked with the debate the video sparked!” She had not faced resistance from relatives in real life, so the intensity online felt disconnected from her actual family relationships. The comments went far beyond disagreeing with a rule and drifted into personal attacks.
Some viewers framed her boundary as a rejection of love itself, which is where things got ugly. Christiansen recalled, “A lot of people said I was a bad mom, ruining my baby’s life.” That kind of reaction can hit hard for a new parent who is already tired, emotional, and adjusting to a completely new routine. She also noted how complicated the topic is, saying, “It seems like a much deeper conversation that can’t be had in TikTok comments.”
Behind the scenes, she says the family reality looked nothing like the story critics imagined. Christiansen described her mom as deeply involved and supportive, and she stressed that affection and closeness were never the problem. The boundary was about lips on skin, not about love, bonding, or being present. The bigger message was that a parent can set a rule and still maintain warm family relationships.
Christiansen also wanted people to understand the tone of the video, since many took it literally. She clarified, “the video was obviously a joke,” even if it carried a real boundary underneath the humor. In her view, the light tap was not an act of disrespect, and her mom was in on it. She summed up the original expectation by saying, “We made the video and laughed about it, thinking it would maybe get a few hundred views.”
Stepping back from the viral moment, the underlying issue is one that comes up in countless families, especially during winter months when viruses spread easily. A newborn’s immune system is still learning how to respond to germs, and early infections can become serious faster than they would in older kids or adults. That is why pediatric advice often emphasizes basics like handwashing, keeping sick visitors away, and limiting close face contact if anyone has symptoms. Many families also talk about cold sores and other common infections that can spread through kissing, which is another reason some parents adopt a temporary no kissing rule.
The social side matters too, because boundaries are rarely just medical, they are emotional and cultural. For some grandparents, kissing a baby is part of how they express joy, and being told no can feel like rejection if it is not explained with care. For some parents, enforcing rules with relatives is one of the first big tests of confidence after childbirth. Christiansen’s story shows how a small moment can open a bigger conversation about consent, safety, and how families adapt when a new baby arrives.
What do you think is the fairest way for parents to set a no kissing rule while still keeping grandparents feeling included, share your thoughts in the comments.
