I identify with the article that I am about to share with you about dating. Most of what is written I have done myself and so the feelings associated with each of these questions might be actions you have done yourself. Everyone knew me as the queen of dating (I am Dallas Single Mom) and I had created a dating system that was phenomenal for me. Yet even if I got the dates, I wasn’t really happy. There were times when I would have a dating hiatus (usually in the winter since I am from Texas and hate cold) but each time I dined alone and studied the couples out on dates, I marveled on those that were actively engaged and not on their phones swiping Tinder. I really wanted a serious connection but I couldn’t bring myself to believe that. I have been in a relationship with Dallas Single Dad (aka Ironman) now for close to a year in a committed relationship. We will celebrate our anniversary on the next full moon in Libra (our first Date in Deep Ellum) and I can admit that the activities presented in questions #1 and #2 below were a part of my dating life at the time.
I cancelled a date with someone else just so I could go out on a first date with him. I knew I wanted to talk to him based upon our phone conversations. I didn’t wonder about soul mates all I know was that I knew I would have a good time with him on our first date. I didn’t put the cart before the horse on this one. After that first date, I think he knew. I can readily admit I wasn’t sure. He knew he wanted to talk to me by talking to me the very next day. Since that first date we have never stopped talking or texting each other. At that moment, I stopped comparing or waiting for something else that I didn’t know would materialize. I ran with the present moment because I connected with my inner fun and put forth the effort to engage with this other person because the connection and quality was there. I didn’t need to look for something else, because I knew that THING was there. Are we soul mates? I don’t know but we have a soul connection. This article that Green puts together for Dallas Single Mom really speaks to me because both Ironman and I have a mutual friend who is doing the exact same things in the article and pulling around a “friends with benefits” relationship. There is nothing wrong with FWB but the couple in real life that we know, seem to suffer a lot of jealousy and anguish over that while they continue to search for greener pastures. That is another story though. Read on for some great questions to ask yourself about online dating from Kelly Green.
The below post “Did You Overlook Your Soul Mate? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself” is written by Kelly Green, author of the yet to be released book “My Year of Dating Dangerously.”
Green FOMO—a.k.a, Fear Of Missing Out—can keep the best of us from recognizing a good thing when we have it. In today’s world, opportunities are abundant and there’s always a lure of something more.
Let’s face it, we’ve all been at one amazing event and woken up the next day to a plethora of social media postings of a killer event we missed. No matter how great your night was, you can’t help but feel as if you’ve missed out on something big. That same nagging feeling can creep into our dating and relationships and create havoc – causing us to miss out on something real. If you think FOMO may be blocking you from finding your true love, ask yourself the following:
Am I dating too frequently?
Are you dating back-to-back nights? If so, you may not be giving yourself enough time to let the thoughts and feelings of one date settle in before moving on to the next. Try creating space between dates and events.
Am I comparing one thing to another?
Are you on a date with Mr. Big and already thinking about what you could have been doing if you were out with Mr. Bigger? It’s hard to know what Mr. Big has to offer if you’re thinking about someone else the whole time. You may have the perfect situation sitting next to you, but you miss the genuine moment because you thought you should be somewhere else. Don’t put yourself or anyone else in a situation where you are constantly comparing. Everyone loses.
Do you delay saying yes so you can see if something better comes your way?
Do you immediately accept a great date, or do you wait hours or days to accept? You may be unknowingly creating a pattern of waiting for something better. If you feel good about the opportunity, then say yes and make the most of it. Trust what makes you happy and stop worrying about something that might appear to be more interesting.
Identifying your patterns of FOMA is crucial to getting and finding your true soul-mate. After all, he may be sitting right next to you! Listen to the moments that are yours and stop worrying about the moments that aren’t. After all, your moments are the only ones that truly matter.
Kelly Green lives in Austin, Texas, and is the author of the forthcoming memoir, My Year of Dating Dangerously. Find her on Facebook.