Parenting is one of the most rewarding roles we take on, and it can still feel like a daily puzzle. No matter how prepared we are, fresh challenges appear with each new stage, mood, or school day. That is why a simple guideline can be so powerful, especially one that supports emotional health without demanding perfection.
Developmental psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Aliza Pressman recently shared her go to advice while speaking on Mel Robbins’ podcast. Her golden rule is straightforward. All feelings are welcome, but not all behaviors are. In practice, it means we treat emotions as valid information, while also teaching children that actions have limits. It is a way to be warm and firm at the same time.
Pressman says this applies to everything from a toddler tantrum to a teen pushing boundaries. A child can feel angry, jealous, scared, or disappointed, and those feelings can be named and accepted. What cannot be accepted is harmful or unsafe behavior that follows. She even offered an extreme example of a teenager stealing a car to get to a party they were forbidden to attend, noting that you can acknowledge the desperation without excusing the choice.
To show how early this lesson matters, Pressman shared a moment with her four year old daughter. The child approached her upset and said she believed God would be angry with her. When Pressman asked why, her daughter admitted she had a mean thought about her sister after the sister broke something. Pressman reassured her that thoughts and feelings are allowed, and that what matters is how we behave toward others.
This mindset can change the words we reach for in tense moments. Instead of telling a child to calm down or stop being dramatic, we can try something like, “It makes sense you are mad, and it is not okay to hit.” Then we can guide them toward a safer outlet, such as taking space, asking for a hug, squeezing a pillow, or putting the feeling into words. Over time, children learn they do not have to fear their inner world, and they also learn that boundaries protect everyone.
Pressman adds that the rule is not only for kids, because adults often shame themselves for what they feel. Many of us have tried to talk ourselves out of emotions by saying we should be grateful or fine, and it rarely helps. Allowing feelings to exist does not mean indulging every impulse, it means choosing a better response once the storm has a name.
How do you make room for big feelings in your home while still holding firm boundaries, and what has worked best for your family?
