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You are here: Home / Health / The Most Hilarious Fables In Fitness

January 30, 2021 ·

The Most Hilarious Fables In Fitness

Health

Why do you workout? It’s usually because you want to become more beautiful, more buff or more brave. It’s something that every one of us can relate to. However, you’d be surprised at some people’s desires to have all these things, leading them to do rather bizarre and often hilarious things. Of all the consumer and cultural worlds out there, it seems that the fitness world always comes up with the most strange and dumb remedies to our troubles. You’ve probably seen over a hundred different ads about how you have been working out wrong all these years and that there’s this whacky new plant they found in the rainforest that will burn your fat off in seconds! We thought it would be fun to make a list of things like this and try to explore why they were even a thing in the first place.

Crossfit pullups

This is going to set a lot of people off. We know, we know…Crossfit has been criticized for having promoted workouts that are not sound in form or function. For example, kipping pull ups are not doing what they should! Pull Ups are designed to help your lateral muscles develop and help your biceps too. But when you are swinging back and forth, you are not focussing on these muscles and are instead putting a lot of strain on your rotator cuffs. Whenever You have pressure on your joints, you’re doing it wrong! Bones can’t add strength to your body, only muscles and tendons can. So we just think it’s hilarious that crossfit has so many of these workouts that are not actually focusing on the muscles they are meant to be helping. 

Even the bench press in crossfit is all wrong. It’s a kind of bounce-bench press. You should never be bouncing a heavy weight off your body in order to lift it; you should only be using the muscles that are involved, such as the shoulders, pecs and biceps.

Deer antlers

Hmmm, what!? Yes, deer antlers have apparently been used to boost sex drive, immune system function, asthma, indigestion, acne and even cancer! Well, we all know that deer antlers don’t do any of these things but that has not stopped some people from thinking they are this magic ingredient that will make them superhuman. For some reason, deer antler velvet has been used by people in the fitness community to make themselves stronger and more resilient to health problems. We have looked on in disbelief at this news as it would be like saying, biting your nails makes you super strong. Antlers are made out of the same stuff! But if you want an actual testosterone boost, then you should take a real supplement that actually does this and has been tested in a lab.

Boxing with weights

If you have ever been to the dumbbell rack in a gym, you know that these free weights are not designed for anything other than controlled, slow movement. However, some people tend to think they are there to be thrown around and used however you want. Wrong! These free weights are easy to lose grip of and they can cause serious damage if you don’t use them properly. Some gym nuts have resorted to using them as weights for their boxing technique or just as a boxing workout. Again, this does not help! You never see professional boxers using free weights in their technique sessions do you!? This is because these free weights are very hard to control and they create a pendulum effect when you extend your arm while holding onto them. This causes joint strain and can result in tendon tears. Not to mention, it can hurt someone around you if you let go of them mid-punch. Please don’t be that guy in the gym.

Lift your max

No please don’t. Your body cannot lift your max every time you go to the gym. Your muscles, tendons and nervous system can only exert themselves so far. You can go to your max-rep limit maybe one or twice a month. We highly recommend that you don’t lift heavy if you cannot handle it without potentially getting injured. Swaying to and fro, getting red in the face and feeling like you’re going to faint, is not a sign that you’re making progress. Listen to your body and do as it commands.

Fitness is a noble end. You are trying to improve yourself. But please, don’t fall for these fitness fables. Learn proper technique and don’t fall for hocus pocus nonsense like deer antler velvet! 

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Teia Blackshear Collier is the mother of three and the Publisher and Lead Storyteller at Dallas Single Mom by Teia Collier Brands. A seasoned social and automotive journalist, she shares her adventures and offers ways for Dallas’ single parents to lead their best lives now through education, encouragement, inspiration and active civic engagement despite life transitions.  With a background in education, civic service, corporate wellness, private lifestyle management, and fundraising, Teia connects parents to the products, services, and resources to enable them to live their best lives now as parents, community members and individuals capable of great good.

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